


The Harem Clause

by an_undead_gamer_45, Crazy4U



Category: Monster Prom (Visual Novel)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fluff, Groping, Harems, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Implied Sexual Content, Love Confessions, Non-Graphic Violence, OT3, OT7, OT8, Polyamory, Romantic Comedy, Sloppy Makeouts, anime BS, lots and lots of harems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:21:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 34,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26393323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/an_undead_gamer_45/pseuds/an_undead_gamer_45, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazy4U/pseuds/Crazy4U
Summary: Due to the differences in their social standings, Miranda is forced to break up with Oz due to the fact that he isn't of noble blood.However, as it turns out, there is a loophole in the laws of the merkingdom that would allow them to be together in spite of that: the harem clause.Now Oz has to collect six lovely ladies to be a part of a harem if he wants to have a shot with the princess again. Buckle up kids, this should be fun.
Relationships: Aaravi the Slayer/Yellow | Oz, Dahlia Aquino/Yellow | Oz, Green | Brian/Vera Oberlin, Joy/Yellow | Oz, Miranda Vanderbilt/Yellow | Oz, Polly Geist/Yellow | Oz, Valerie Oberlin/Yellow | Oz, Vera Oberlin/Red | Amira, Yellow | Oz/Z'gord | Zoe, oz/harem, vicky/harem
Comments: 2
Kudos: 43





	1. how it begins

“Are you sure you know what you’re doing back there friend Polly?” Said Calculester.

“Trust me Cal, I’ve done this tons of times before when I was alive.” replied the ghost.

“But you are pushing extremely hard, will it really fit into my chassis?” 

Polly just waved off his concerns. “Of course it will! I just gotta slide it right in he-”

The party geist was cut off by an audible snapping sound followed by a metallic clang against the linoleum floor which in turn was followed by an awkward silence.

“What was that?” Questioned the robot

“Nothing, don’t worry about it.” said Polly, kicking aside what she really hoped wasn’t an important part of calculester’s body before slamming the panel on his back shut. “There we go! Your new and improved party cannons are fully installed and ready to fire at a moment's notice!”

“And this will make me, as you say ‘the unlife of the party’?”

“Of course boo! Who doesn’t like cake and confetti flying at them at mach five speed?” Polly exclaimed, giving her robot buddy a pat on the back.

That’s about when Miranda walked by their table with her usual entourage of serfs, sporting a rather forlorn expression that Calculester picked up on as she passed by.

“Observation, friend Miranda is ‘down in the dumps’.” droned the robot.

Polly looked up from her celebratory ‘newly upgraded robot friend’ vodka shot to see that Miranda did seem really sad, but not her usual brand of sadness where she was overdramatically sobbing while one serf handed her tissues while another played a sad song on a violin to accompany her mood; no this sadness was far more reserved, as if the merprincess was trying to hold it all in, which immediately put Polly into concerned friend mode.

Before the ghost could get over there and try to cheer her friend up by re-enacting the exorcist with one of the serfs, Miranda stopped by the table where Oz and his friend Amira were sitting. The shadow man getting up to give Miranda a hug only to be stopped halfway with one of her outstretched hands.

For those unaware, Oz and Miranda had been dating for quite some time now, ever since he led a successful rescue mission to save her favorite stuffed animal from the air people. (in reality it just had been stolen by Scott who mistook it for one of his chew toys, the werewolf apologized profusely to Oz for causing so much trouble and Oz forgave him, making sure Miranda didn’t find out about it.). It was almost sickeningly sweet how they fawned over each other and all the romantic moments that seemed to be pulled straight from animated films made by a company with a mouse mascot.

But that familiar warmth and adorableness was almost completely absent in this case as Miranda seemed to be deadly serious as she explained something to Oz.

“WHAT?! WHY?!” Shouted the fearling out of seemingly nowhere, getting the attention of the entire cafeteria. 

Miranda continued to explain, her voice was too low for anyone else to hear but whatever she was saying was clearly not good and Oz started making motions with his arms (it was assumed he was also speaking but it was difficult to tell from a distance since he didn’t have any mouth) while Miranda started to tear up and began choking out each successive word. It eventually came to a head when Miranda broke down sobbing and ran out of the cafeteria with her serfs in tow, leaving Oz and Amira behind; the djinn tried to comfort her friend but Oz roughly pulled his arm away, running out of the cafeteria in the opposite direction of his (presumably) now ex-girlfriend while crying into his sleeve, Amira giving chase soon afterwards.

A silence washed over the room, monsters nervously eyeing each other as they tried to comprehend what had just happened; it was the strangest thing, yesterday Oz and Miranda seemed to be joined at the hip, completely and utterly in love with each other, and now their relationship goes south?

“What the hell was that all about?!” shouted Polly, saying what the entire room was thinking.

“It appears that Miranda has terminated her relationship with Oz.” Calculester answered a-matter-of-factly.

“I got that genius. But why?!”

Cal’s screen flickered over to a loading screen for a few moments before switching back to his frowny face. “INSUFFICIENT DATA. SUGGESTED COURSE OF ACTION: speak to Miranda and ask about what caused her to break up with Oz.”

Polly grabbed a hold of the robot’s arm. “Of course, that’s genius! Come on Cal! We gotta find her!”

************************

The duo didn’t have to search very long for their merperson friend, all they had to do was follow the trail of sparkly tears and used up fancy hankies that led them to the party tree outside which was currently being fenced off by a defensive wall of serfs with Miranda in the center, curled up into a ball and crying into her knees.

After ‘persuading’ Miranda’s serfs to let them through with a mixture of hallucinogenic drugs and robot weapons, the two non-living monsters approached their friend with looks of both pity and concern.

“Hey Miri, what’s up?” Said Polly, taking a seat next to Miranda. “Everything good?”

Miranda looked up with an adorably sad sniffle, shaking her head in response before burying her head in her legs again.

Calculester took the spot on the other side of Miranda, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Do you wish to talk about it? Over a hot beverage perhaps?”

Miranda paused for a moment, seemingly taking the former library computer’s offer into consideration, before gently nodding her head.

A series of clicks and grinding noises started to come out of Calculester’s body, steam puffing out of him every now and again, before a compartment opened up on the front of his body where a small plastic cup popped out with steaming hot tea.

“Hades’ homebrewed honeydew tea, statistically proven to increase an individual’s happiness by thirty-five percent when consumed.” the robot held out the cup of liquid to Miranda, who took it from his grasp and gingerly took a sip.

“T-thank you.” Miranda hiccupped, tears still coming off her face but in much lower quantity than before.

“Don’t mention it, we’re here for ya Miri. Now tell old Polly just what the hell happened back there? I thought you guys were in love and stuff.”

Miranda drummed her fingers against the plastic cup for a moment. “We were, but unfortunately because of Oz we simply cannot be together any longer.”

Polly adopted a look that would have been more at home on the wolfpack, her mouth curling up into a snarl. “Oh I knew it, he hurt you didn’t he! Well if that little punk thinks he can hurt my friends and get away with it he’s-”

“Oh no no no, it’s nothing like that Polina! It’s because of what Oz is, not what he did.” Miranda quickly clarified.

“Is Oz unable to foster children since he is the concept of fear?” Questioned Calculester.

Miranda immediately blushed and avoided eye contact with both of her friends. “N-no, I’ve had my prince checked out in that regard. The problem is that he is a commoner, a beautiful, charming, and chivalrous commoner, but a commoner nonetheless.”

“So what’s wrong with that? You never seemed to care before when you were still dating.”

“I don’t care that Oz is a commoner, he is more of a prince than any of my previous suitors ever have been, my parents however would disagree.”

Polly sucked in a breath, this couldn’t end well…

“Last night we were having our usual dinner of dolphin steaks with fried seahorse chips when the topic of romance came up in the conversation, one thing led to another and I revealed my relationship with my dear sweet Oz. My father was so angry at the prospect of his youngest daughter associating herself with someone of non-royal blood and demanded I end things with my lover. I tried to protest but father wouldn’t hear of it, threatening to disown me from the family if I did not comply with his wishes.” sobbed Miranda. “I couldn’t risk ending up like the traitorous fifth vanderbilt sister so I was forced to break off my engagement to Oz.”

Miranda started crying again. “It isn’t fair Polly, I finally find the perfect prince after all these years of searching and we’re forced apart because we come from separate worlds.”

“Now hold on boo, there’s gotta be something we can do to change your dad’s mind; ooh, what if we kidnap him and lock him in a room with Oz so he can see how charming he is!”

“Even if that were possible Polly, it does not matter. The laws of the merkingdom state that royalty is not allowed to fraternize with commoners in order to ensure the purity of the royal bloodline.”

“Oh now that’s just bullshit.” Replied the ghost with crossed arms. “So there’s really nothing we can do?”

“Perhaps not friend Polly. Based upon my previous observations, there are oftentimes numerous loopholes and exceptions to the various laws of the merkingdom that would allow one to bypass certain restrictions. There might very well be a loophole hidden within the laws of the merkingdom that would allow Oz and Miranda to continue their relationship unhindered despite the differences in their social classes.” said calculester. “If we could simply gain access to the merkingdom archives we may be able to find one.”

Miranda’s head shot up, her eyes widening in a hopeful gaze. “R-really? I could be reunited with my Oz?”

“Possibly, we will not be able to know without some level of research.”

“Well what are we waiting for then?! To the Vanderbilt castle, post haste!”

************************

What the duo had expected was to walk into a long, ornate hallway that was lined with rows upon rows of bookshelves filled with dusty old scrolls that held the entire history of the merkingdom upon their aged pages. They would have to spend hours and hours digging through them, reading law after law to try and find some sort of way to bring Miranda and Oz back together, and just as they were about to give up, one of them would spot a certain scroll out of the corner of their eye that just so happened to contain the exact loophole they were looking for.

What they got instead were a couple of old computers sitting on some desks with a few merknights standing guard around them.

Apparently, in total defiance of the physical limitations of an underwater kingdom, a fire had broken out in the archives under extremely mysterious circumstances and nearly destroyed most of the ancient scrolls; this caused Miranda’s father to make the decision to have all the information on said scrolls copied onto a digital format for semi-public use and have the original works moved to a secure safe to prevent any further accidents. Unfortunately, another fire somehow broke out in that safe from a faulty fire safety system which successfully destroyed all of the texts, leaving the digital files as the only remaining copies.

Having it in a digital format, however, did not make the archives any less tedious to search through for a normal monster; a living supercomputer on the other hand, made it a breeze. After being waved in, Calculester hooked himself up to one of the computers and began searching through every piece of information he could in the merkingdom’s database at a rate of about two-hundred documents per minute; seeing as though the bot had the search under control, Miranda and Polly decided to pass the time with a good old fashioned game of chess. 

“You never told me you could play chess Miranda.” said Polly, moving her rook forwards.

“Oh yes, my father taught me how when I was younger, him and I would spend hours playing it back then.” replied Miranda, taking one of Polly’s pawns with her bishop. “However I was not aware you were so skilled at the game.”

“Eh, I won a few tournaments when I was alive. There’s actually a really funny story behind that, see when I was at the russian nationals back in 20XX when-”

A loud dinging sound broke the two monsters out of both their conversation and their chess game, which was a shame since Miranda was three moves away from claiming victory; when they looked over, they saw that calculester’s face had reverted back to it’s normal ‘:)’ face and a document was now printing out of his body.

“You find something robot buddy?” asked Polly

Calculester tore the page off of his built in printer and walked over to the girls with a ‘:\’ face. “Well...yes, but I’m not entirely sure Miranda would approve of it.”

“Why?” asked the mermaid with a raised eyebrow. “Will it allow Oz to continue his courting of me?”

“Correct, but-”

“Good, give it here then. I need to know what sort of quest Oz must embark upon to win my hand.”

The robot held the piece of paper against his chest protectively. “Very well. But keep in mind that this was the ONLY loophole I could find, there are no altern-”

A spectral hand shot through Calculester’s torso and phased the page through it, bringing the paper straight into Polly’s hands. 

“Quit being such a tease and let me..see…” Polly trailed off as her eyes scanned across the paper, taking in every word.

The ghost paused for a few seconds in silence as her face grew more and more shocked as she read the text; then, all at once, she broke out into a hysterical laugh, wheezing and guffawing as tears started to stream out of her eyes.

“What? What’s so funny?”

Polly wordlessly handed the paper over to Miranda, still laughing all the while, before collapsing on the floor holding her stomach.

Miranda’s gaze turned to the paper and a blush came upon her face almost instantaneously upon reading the title:

_THE HAREM CLAUSE:  
In the event that an individual of non-royal blood that does not have a knighthood or an official blessing from the Vanderbilt family, they would still be legally allowed to court a member of the royal family if they have obtained a sizable enough harem. The harem must contain, at minimum, six members and at least two must be of royal blood; said royalty does not necessarily have to derive from the merkingdom, as long as it is recognized by at least one sovereign nation that is not the airpeople democracy. Individuals of the same-sex as the member of the royalty are still allowed to court them assuming they meet the prerequisites and same-sex members are allowed to be part of said individual’s harem. See paragraph 4, line 5 of ‘merfolk marriage’ for more information._

Miranda swallowed the lump in her throat, this was far from an ideal situation especially considering how possesive she was of Oz, but Calculester did say that there were no other options if she wanted to continue dating the eldritch horror. She weighed her options for a few moments before deciding that Oz was indeed worth it, harems weren’t that uncommon for royalty after all and if Miranda’s aunt Seto could make such an arrangement work then so could she!

She just needed to find some suitable members, she couldn’t just let any harlot come near her sweet prince after all and risk stealing him away, Miranda had to be very selective about who she let into Oz’s harem.

“And once I have assembled the perfect royal harem for him, my knight in shiny armor and I shall be betrothed!”


	2. the fun loving ghost

To say Oz was feeling down was a lie. Short of actual depression, he had never felt worse. At least he was able to get out of bed and function in some capacity. Oz was slumped in his seat, his phobias were trying to help him with class, which he normally appreciated, but right now he just didn't give a damn. How could he pay attention to the teacher's lecture on mitochondria when his mind kept going back to Miranda? Hell, even listening to a story about how mitochondria can rebel against their host and evolve did interest, or spook him. He kept playing back events in his head, trying to find what he did wrong, and how he could fix it.

This couldn't be the end! He had to find a way to make her family accept him! His family wasn't royalty. This wasn't a universe where he was the son of a Queen, a Knight and a dashing marksman. There had to be another way. Some way he could make himself an acceptable husband to the youngest Vanderbilt. 

Oz was so preoccupied with his thoughts that he didn't even hear the bell ring, the teacher excusing everyone, or the approach of the local poltergeist.

“Hey boo!” 

Polly's voice shot Oz out of his thoughts, making him bolt upright. The back of his head made contact with something. It was soft, like two pillows filled with memory foam. Oz looked upwards, and saw Polly grinning down at him. Was his head resting against her-?

“Aw jeez!” Oz cried, half jumping half twisting in his seat. “S-Sorry about that.”

Her breasts bounced slightly from the disturbance, doing nothing for the blush that crept over the shadowman. They were still so close to his face, too close! Oz strained his neck, looking up at Polly and not at Polly's loose white tank top.

“I heard about you and Miri.” Polly said.

“Yeah...” Oz said, looking at the floor. “I'm trying to figure out how I can get her back.”

“I know what you can do.” Polly said.

The ghost babe but her arm around his shoulder, pulling him close enough so that Oz should smell the fruity booze on her breath. Polly had been drinking, more than normal it seemed.

“Me and Cal were doing some research yesterday, and we figured out a way to help.” Polly whispered.

“Really?” Oz said, raising an eyebrow.

“You can date me!” Polly cried out.

“Th-That doesn't sound like a solution.” Oz stammered. “You're... Honestly out of my league, but...”

“You don't have to date me, Ozzy.” Polly interrupted. “Date whoever you want!”

Oz stared at Polly, gears turning. The only thing that made sense to him was that Polly was trying to get him to date someone else to make Miranda jealous. That was an awful solution to his problem. Not only would he not be with Miranda, but the princess's heart would be shattered if he saw him start a relationship right after breaking it off with her.

“Hey!” It was a familiar voice.

“Amira?” Oz said, turning to his friend.

The djinn was standing next to them, holding her books. Thank god for distractions! He would have to do something nice for his friend later.

“Aren't you going to be late for your next class?” Amira asked.

Oz's eyes widened. Oh yeah, they were still in school, and the bell rang like five minutes ago.

The fearling rose up, stepping into the side of the desk opposite to Amira. Before he could even realize he was standing next to a certain ghost, Oz's foot slipped on a piece of paper someone dropped. He went backwards, twisting to try and land on his front. Before his brain could make sense of what was happening, or where he was, he felt himself collide with some with something soft and rather nice smelling.

“See? I knew you couldn't resist.” Came Polly's voice.

Realization dawned on Oz. The softness, the height, the scent. There was thump as Oz fell back onto his butt, looking up and seeing the way Polly's boobs jiggled. Yup, he'd definitely been up close and personal with them.

“Dude, did you just fall into Polly's titties?” Amira asked.

She was still standing by Oz's desk, one eyebrow raised. 

“It's okay, I just know you're playing hard to get.” Polly said with a smirk.

The fearling was able to get back on his feet surprisingly quickly considering how clumsy he normally was. He was out the door before the bell rang, and he might have actually been able to make it to his next class, had he not felt so overwhelmed.

Instead of going to his math class, doing some research in the library, or even just playing a round of dodge-ball, Oz went out to the rave tree. It was quite possibly the dumbest idea Oz ever had, considering his situation. 

Later he would say his reasoning was “If Polly tried to seduce me in her gym outfit, I might actually fall for it... Or at least everyone would see my boner...” It still wasn't great reasoning, but Oz was never good at thinking while under pressure.

It was a typical Spooky High rave. Dubstep, spiked punch, Juan, it was a good time. Oz was dancing with his usual lack of rhythm and grace, letting the beat wash over him and carry away his worries. He could learn more about being knighted next period, his talk with Polly just left him a little discombobulated. 

That was when it dawned on him, dixie cup filled with water falling from his hand. If he was going to meet Polly anywhere, this was the place. Oz spun, eyes already scanning the landscape of undulating bodies for an escape route. He pushed forwards, excusing himself as he moved through the crowd. 

Oz's foot caught on something. It could have been another person's foot, a root from the gnarled rave tree, or even just a tear in space time, all Oz knew was that he was going down. His hands shot out, grabbing the first thing he could, even if he was plummeting to earth. His fall slowed, he landed on his chest, only a dull thud reverberating through his body. 

“Ohh Ozzy~” Came a familiar voice.

Oz opened his eyes, and saw a pair of black boots... They were inside a pair of tiny black shorts. Heart pounding, Oz looked up, only seeing two large blue globes barely contained in thin white fabric.

“Oh my- I'm so sorry!” Oz said, scrambling up into a sitting position.

“I didn't know you could be so aggressive.” Polly said, not a care in the world even though her pants were around her ankles. “Just ask next time.”

“I'm s- Sorry!” Oz stammered.

He bolted out of rave, going faster than he'd ever imagined. Miranda had been gone all day, and now Oz was glad. He'd hate her to see him make a fool of himself like that. He didn't stop until he was in the library. 

The Spooky High library was actually pretty big, like “people have gone in, and haven't come out for five years” big. Mainly people were able to get out because of the librarian Mr. Minotaur, who literally lives within the archives section. Mostly the students used this area for the computers, and normally that was what Oz did but he was on a mission. 

Oz's arms were filled with books, where he set down at a table near the entrance of the archives. This was a place he wouldn't be bothered, where he could just read to his heart's content. Oz didn't even know what he was looking for, he just had some vague idea that he had to become better. If he was knighted, then Miranda would reconsider, right? Oz opened up a massive tome entitled “A History of Knighthood” and read. 

He was quite a fast reader, pausing only so his phobias could joy down notes. It was rather boring, but it was for Miranda. Whenever he felt like putting the book down, he just thought about her smile and a shot of vigor jolted through him.

He wasn't sure what time it was when he finished the book, but he did have a page of notes in front of him. Oz flipped through it, and gave a dejected sigh. He'd never slayed a dragon (nor did he want to), stopped an invading army, or written a series of comedic fantasy books that transcend parody. He'd have to keep reading.

“Oh Ozzy~” A voice called to him in the still air.

Oz looked up, the first thing he noticed was the fact that he was blocked in by three shelves of books, all of which went to the ceiling. He had no escape. 

Silhouetted in the only exit was a curvy figure, one which Oz knew well. She floated closer, and Oz nearly tumbled back in his seat. Polly was wearing a bikini, but that wasn't even the most shocking thing. In one hand she held a tub of guacamole, in the other was a bag of marbles while a penguin mask sat atop her head like a tiara.

“Now do you wanna play hard to get?” Polly cooed.

Oz pinched himself. This had to be a dream, right? You know, a certain kind of dream, as this sort of thing didn't happen, especially not to him. He shifted in his seat, trying to make himself more comfortable.

“P- Polly, I'm flattered and c-completely awed by this but-” Oz managed before Polly placed a finger to the space where his mouth would be.

“This is going to make everything better.” The ghost girl breathed.

God damn it, Oz wanted to go along with this. Polly was one of his other long time crushes, and this was a once in a lifetime opportunity.

Oz pulled away.

“Polly, I'm s-sorry, but I can't accept.” Oz said, stumbling over his words.

“Oz-” Polly began, but the fearling held up a hand.

“It would be a bold face lie to say I'm not into you, in fact, you can probably tell just how into this I am.” Oz said. “But I love Miranda. I know she broke things off, but I'm going to become someone she can be proud to marry. I might fail, but I can't give up without doing everything in my power to prove myself. As much as I would love to get dirty with you, and do all sorts of weird, kinky things, I have to turn you down.” 

Polly's mouth was agape. Not in the normal 'Oh mah gawd' way, but in genuine astonishment. 

“You really are in love.” Polly breathed.

“My prince!” 

Oz knew that voice. He loved that voice, and was so happy to hear it. Behind the corner, Miranda appeared, Cal in tow.

“Miranda?” Oz said, his voice small.

“If it were possible I would have fallen even more in love with you. I heard every word you said, and I am touched!” Miranda said.

“I too feel like your speech touched something deep within my programming.” Calculester said.

“Y- you still love me?” Oz stammered.

“Of course! That is why I am so bewildered by how to have rejected Polly's offers to be your concubine.” Miranda said.

“W-What?” Oz felt lost, and a little horny. 

“And after I explained it to him this morning. Say, where were you, Miri?” Polly asked.

“I was getting my hair done.” Miranda said.

“Explained?” Oz stammered. “Polly, I thought you were telling me to date someone else to make Miranda jealous.”

Before an argument could break out, Cal gave Oz a piece of paper. The fearling took it in his shaky hands, carefully reading over the text.

“I figured that a miscommunication was highly likely, so I had the proper documentation prepared.”

“This isn't a prank, is it?” Oz said, raising an eyebrow.

“I too was dubious at first, but Oz, it's the only way we can be together!” Miranda said.

“And you get to have a harem!” Polly interjected.

“So, my prince, will you do this to be with me?” Miranda asked, blue eyes shining. 

This was too good to be true. Was it a prank? Had Polly and Miranda planned this whole thing together? Oz immediately felt guilty for thinking that. Still, looking from the prim and elegant Miranda, to the sexy and still very bikini-clad Polly and being offered to date them both, there had to be a catch. Something like this would only lead to bad luck and misfortune, some kind of karmic equilibrium. 

“I will.” Oz said, nodding.“Although I have to point out that this feels exactly like some kind of dumb harem plot pulled straight from one of Zoe’s fanfics.”

He would just deal with whatever cosmic punishment the universe dealt out later. Miranda clapped, doing a tiny little jump in her excitement. God, Oz had missed her.

“Now let's seal the deal!” Polly cheered.

Before Oz could say anything, or even ask her where she put her sexual paraphernalia, the ghost dipped him into an excited kiss. Oh god, this was even better than Oz had ever dreamed of (before he was dating Miranda, mind you). It was so good, Oz felt his foot pop, just like in a cheesy movie. Polly let him go, and Oz fell to the floor, his legs feeling like jelly.

“How was that? Feeling any jealousy? You're my pal, so I don't want to cuckold you, Miri.” Polly said.

“Hmm... It was actually a little exciting.” Miranda said. “I must say, this solution is becoming more and more appealing to me.”

“I'm glad.” Oz said.

He was on his feet now, and approaching Miranda. The princess held up her hand, and he stopped in his tracks, brows furrowed. 

“I must apologize, my love but...We cannot be together until the requirements are met.” Miranda said, sorrow in her voice.

“I understand.” Oz said.

“But soon, I will give you more kisses than you dare imagine!” Miranda said, a hint of lust in her regal voice.

That alone hit him harder than seeing Polly in her bikini. There was a sound, like a modem that caught fire. The three turned to look at Cal, who had his hand to his screen, like he was theatrically clearing his throat.

“Does anyone require my further assistance?” The robot asked.

Everyone shook their heads.

“I have a meeting scheduled with Vicky. We are working on a school project.” Cal said, giving a soft sigh after saying the patch work girls name.

“Yeah. Tell Vicky I said hi.” Oz said.

“I wonder if he'll show her his new cannon?” Polly said with a smirk as she watched the robot leave.

“Guys, it's almost lunch time.” Oz said, looking at his watch.

“Oh yes! I must feed my serfs.” Miranda said.

“While I'm dressed like this, I might as well do some jell-o wrestling. Think Dahlia would be down for that?” Polly said.

“Hmm...I would approve of Princess Muscles being a part of your harem. What do you think, my prince?” Miranda said.

The three filed out of the library, Polly leaning against Oz's shoulder as she floated, and Miranda's hand staying just out of reach of the fearling's. From the shelves, many eyes watched the trio, making a special interest in the way Oz's butt looked in those black jeans. Thankfully, those eyes all belonged to one being.

“O. M. G!” Zoe whispered excitedly. “A real life harem anime, happening in my school! And maybe I can get myself in on it. I wonder if I'd be the genki girl? Maybe I should try being tsundere? Hmmm. Think, Zoe, think! You can’t let this opportunity pass you by!”


	3. the eldrich fangirl

A harem.

A harem.

He was getting a harem.

Oz lied in bed just staring at the ceiling, still trying to wrap his head around the whole affair and has been doing so for the past few hours.

After that whole incident in the library where Oz became informed of how Miranda and him could be together, Polly shoved him into a broom closet and engaged him a sloppy makeout session as ‘punishment’ for everything he did to Polly that day; although looking back on it, she may have been rewarding herself more than she was punishing him. It wasn’t until he watched the ghost girl get choke-slammed into a vat of orange jello by Dahlia that the true weight of what was happening hit him.

No matter how much he thought about it he simply couldn’t actually believe this was happening to him of all monsters, granted a kind and socially awkward teen getting surrounded by hot girls that all wanted to date him was so common in the harem genre that it might as well be a requirement to write it but still; this wasn’t a fanfiction, this was real life.

‘Would this even work?’ Oz thought to himself, ‘I mean seven girlfriends is a lot, would I even be able to keep up with all of them? How would prom work?’

A mental image of Oz, Miranda, Polly, and five other girls in prom outfits squeezing into a single photograph flashed through his mind before quickly dissipating. How could he even think about prom right now? His entire world had just changed overnight!

‘Old habits die hard I guess…’ Oz thought to himself before sighing as he turned over in bed.

“Rough day?” Asked a voice from the hall.

Oz peeked over his shoulder to see Brian standing in the doorway of his room, a bucket of ‘Kentucky fried human’ cradled in one of his arms while a piece of the fried meat was being lazily stuffed into his mouth.

Oz sat up in bed. “No, just a little….strange.”

The Zombie shambled over to his friend’s bed and offered him a fried hand, to which Oz accepted and started biting off the fingers one by one.

“Wanna talk about it? You know you can tell me anything right?”

“Promise you won’t judge me?” 

“Dude, when have I ever been judgy of anyone?”

Oz took in a deep breath and began, recapping the events of the past few days; from his break up with Miranda to Polly chasing him around school and the laws of physics seemingly conspiring to launch him into her bosom to the discovery of the ‘harem clause’ to the inner turmoil he was experiencing now. After all was said and done, Brian put a firm hand on his friend’s shoulder.

“Oz. I love ya like a brother man, but the fact that you’re worrying about this is really stupid.”

“You said you wouldn’t judge me!” Oz protested.

“I’m not, look I get it. Having the opportunity to get a harem just fall into your lap….it’s a pretty crazy thing; but it’s also a once in a lifetime opportunity, plenty of guys would KILL to be in your position right now.”

“Present company included?” 

Brian chuckled at that. “Hey c’mon, you know me, bachelor for life! But that’s beside the point, you said you agreed to this whole harem thing because of Miranda right?”

Oz nodded.

“So let me ask you this, is she worth it? Do you love her enough to try and make a harem work just so you two can be together?”

That made Oz’s train of thought shift gears, Brian had a point. He loved Miranda but did he love her that much?

Oz thought back to all the moments they shared together. When they went on that date to the seahorse race track and she rode him like a horse, the time they went shopping for matching silverware sets (which he still kept under his bed in a treasure box), and the time he helped her slaughter the entire water polo team. Okay so they weren’t all strictly romantic but it didn’t really matter.

The fearling remembered how Miranda’s smile had an adorable glow to it, how her laugh was so sweet and bubbly even at its most sinister, how she moved with a grace that could only be found in royalty. Every hug and kiss, every shared meal, every plot they made against Miranda's (sometimes imaginary) enemies; it all brought Oz to one single conclusion that he couldn’t deny.

“Yes. Yes she’s worth it, I don’t care what it takes. I love Miranda too much to let anything come between us!”

Brian couldn’t help but crack a smile at Oz’s geeky determination. “So what are you gonna do then?”

“I’m gonna do everything I can to get the best harem going I can! No matter how crazy it gets or how long it takes, I’ll do it for Miranda!”

“Atta boy.” Brian said, giving Oz a pat on the back for emphasis. “Be honest with me, there’s a part of you that’s doing this because you’ve always wanted a harem.”

Oz paused for a moment, the wind seemingly flying out of his sails. “No comment.”

***************************

**  
Meanwhile, inside of an ancient totem somewhere in monsteropolis.   
**

Zoe took in a deep breath as she crossed the last possibility off of her list. Clutching her head in frustration, the former elder god threw herself onto her bed and let out a long winded sigh.

No matter which way she looked at it, no matter which of her fifty seven eyes she looked at it with, she couldn’t figure out how in the world she was going to get into Oz’s harem. Her years of experience in the genre dictated that she had to fall into one of the various harem tropes if she was ever going to become a part of that love pile; but nothing seemed to fit her. She was too nice to be a tsundere or a sadodere and she wasn’t possessive enough of Oz to be the yandere, Miranda already took the himedere spot and Polly had the Deredere on lock so where did that leave her? Some lonely geeky girl that lost the opportunity to live out one of her anime fantasies?

“No. No I won’t let that happen! I did not start going to high school just to be shut out of all the kinky hijinks that go on, least of all a harem.” Zoe said with determination “Maybe I’m just overthinking this. I don’t need to conform to one of the harem tropes if I want to be part of Oz’s harem, this isn’t an anime and I like the way I am now too much to change...but…”

Zoe looked over and plucked a small photo frame off of her nightstand, looking at it wistfully.

It had been taken at monster con last summer, Zoe had convinced Oz to go cosplaying as her favorite ship: Naruto and Garfield with Oz taking the roll of the former while Zoe took the role of the latter; it was great, they had gotten tons of compliments on their outfits and even won a prize for best team costume. It was a day they both remembered fondly.

She had been at spooky high for about a year at the time this photo was taken and was so grateful that her transition had been so well received by everyone (well almost everyone, but Leonard doesn’t count, nobody likes him.). However Oz stood out amongst them, he was the one to help release her from her totem and put her on the track to finding her true self after all, not to mention they had tons of history from their childhood and plenty of similar interests. Safe to say they were pretty close, not as close as he was with his little ‘color crew’ but Zoe was essentially his vice-best friend. It wasn’t until that day at monster-con that she realized that she might have wanted to be a bit more than that, the way monsters kept saying they made for a cute couple only for Oz to correct them got Zoe thinking about how comfortable she was with the idea of Oz being her boyfriend and her being his girlfriend. Eventually the eldritch cutie began putting serious thought into starting a relationship with him.

Then Oz started dating Miranda and that put a stop to that. She’d be lying to say that she wasn’t majorly disappointed by missing her chance with him, but she wasn’t petty nor jealous enough to wish for them to break up so she’d have a shot, Oz was her friend first and foremost and she’d be happy for him for finding love.

But between the couple’s ‘break’ and the harem plot that they hatched up so Oz could be back together with Miranda gave her another opportunity to act on the feelings that had been long festering within her form, another opportunity to start dating Oz. Having to share him with other girls mattered very little to her at all for roughly two reasons: first and foremost was the fact that her inner anime geek was jumping for joy at the prospect of being part of a real life harem anime but the real reason was her lifespan; most of the other potential candidates for Oz’s harem may have had some level of longevity but they were all still mortal, even Polly had to move to the ‘other side’ at some point. Zoe on the other hand, did not have this problem as her eldritch origins made her immortal and timeless and the same could be said for Oz for the same reasons; by hook or by crook, the two of them would eventually outlive the rest of the girls and be able to spend the rest of eternity together if all went well. If Oz wanted to have some more mistresses in the meantime, who was she to say no, they’d have all the time in the world to be lovers. A morbid thought sure, but if she was serious about starting a relationship with Oz she had to plan for the long term.

The real issue at hand, was her fears that Oz wouldn’t reciprocate her feelings. Being lifelong friends with your crush was a double ended sword, yes you’d have plenty of history and be familiar enough with them to have a leg up on and other suitors but you also run the risk of being seen in only a platonic light, appearing as nothing more than a sister in their eyes. 

Zoe shook these thoughts away. “No, snap out of it Zoe, if you’re brave enough to make the leap from elder god to high school girl then you’re brave enough to ask out your lifelong crush. It’s simple, just walk up to him and ask him that you want to be part of his harem! Easy peasy! No problem at all...right?”

Zoe wasn’t very good at lying to herself.

***************************

**  
The next morning  
**

Oz took in a deep breath of that Monsteropolis air, it was a great morning, the sun was out, the grass was green, and Oz walked down the sidewalk with a spring in his step; a far cry from his depressed demeanor that he held about him less than a few days ago. Something that his friend Vicky took notice of.

“You seem happy today.” Mentioned Vicky, stating the obvious.

Oz wordlessly nodded, causing his frankenfriend to narrow her eyes.

“You’re not on something right now are you? You know drugs aren’t the answer to breakup blues right?”

“W-what? No I’m completely sober right now, I just feel like today’s gonna be a good day.”

That did nothing to ease Vicky’s suspicions. “Really? because yesterday and the day before that, you were so depressed over your breakup with Miranda that I had to stick a funnel in your mouth just to get you to eat breakfast; there is no way you got over that in just a day.”

Before Oz could explain any further, he felt a pair of arms wrap around his shoulders followed by the sensation of two VERY soft orbs being pressed against his head; he didn’t even need to look up to figure out who it was, and it didn’t stop him from almost immediately becoming flustered though.

“Hey there boo! How’s my favorite guy doing today?” Exclaimed Polly, accentuating her saucy embrace with a big smooch to Oz’s cheek.

“H-hey Polly. I-I’m good. How are you?”

Vicky looked at polly, then back at Oz, then back at the partygeist, then back at the fearing, her gaze constantly darting back and forth between them until she adopted a rather unamused expression.

“Oh, I see how it is. You’re single for less than a day and you already find a rebound girl? Or is this just to make Miranda jealous? I thought you were better than that Oz.”

Pulling himself away from his ghostly girlfriend, Oz tried to explain that it wasn’t like that at all but Polly was far quicker on the draw.

“Pfft. No, see since Oz isn’t royalty he isn’t allowed to date Miranda but me and Cal found a loophole that let him keep dating Miri, all he has to do is get-”

Oz tried to slam a hand over Polly’s mouth in order to silence her, he wasn’t sure telling Vicky that he was starting a harem was such a good idea, but unfortunately it was one of those moments where Polly’s body randomly decided to be intangible and his arm harmlessly passed through her head instead.

“-a harem going.” continued Polly, seemingly ignoring the arm that just passed through her form. “And you’re looking at its newest member and current leader! At least until Miri joins.”

Vicky just stared at the duo, a blank expression dotting her face at first, until something seemed to click in that devious little brain of hers.

“A harem...a harem that’s it! Thanks guys you just gave me the perfect solution for a problem I’ve been having lately!” 

On that note, Vicky turned on her heel and started sprinting in the direction of the school, much to the bewilderment of both Oz and Polly, the former of which shouted: “Wait, you’re okay with me starting a harem?!”

“Of course!” Vicky shouted back. “Love comes in a lot of forms Oz! Good luck with your harem!”

“Okay that was kinda weird, have any idea what she was talking about?” Oz asked Polly who merely shrugged in response.

“No clue boo. But who cares, right now we need to focus on what’s important. Finding cute girls to become part of your harem, anyone catch your eye recently? Other than me of course?”

Oz looked away again when Polly puffed out her chest, and by extension her breasts, towards the fearling.

“N-nobody really comes to mind, I was too blinded by Miranda’s beauty to really focus on anyone else.”

Polly gave a gentle smile and a much gentler kiss to Oz in response. “Aww, that’s sweet. Which is why I love ya so much Ozzy. Looks like we’ll just have to start shopping around, there’s tons of eligible single ladies in this school that would love a piece of your shadowy ass, we just gotta find them and I’ll be your wingman the whole way through.”

“Thanks Polly, I appreciate it.”

“How about you show me just how much you appreciate it when we get to school, maybe behind the bleachers?” the partygeist whispered in Oz’s ear, prompting another blush to come on his face.

‘God he is so friggin cute when he’s embarrassed.’ Polly thought to herself.

***************************

“Where is he? I’ve been looking everywhere for him!” exclaimed Zoe as she plodded across the football field, notebook clutched in hand.

Zoe had stayed up most of the night working up the nerve to ask Oz to be one of his harem concubines only to hit an immediate roadblock: she couldn’t find so much of a trace of him at school today!

She knew he was here, Vicky said they walked to school together today before she ran off with a rather mischievous look in her eyes, mumbling something about a ‘devil’s threeway.’. But the eldritch cutie couldn’t seem to track him down; he wasn’t gambling on the library computers, he wasn’t dabbing at the rave tree, he wasn’t fixing his hair in the bathrooms, he wasn’t rehearsing at the auditorium, he wasn’t dominating at dodgeball in the gym, and he wasn’t at his morning classes. Where else could he be? Those were the only six places him and his friends ever hung out at school!

A loud, whining moan rang out from seemingly nowhere caused Zoe to jump and start looking around for the source of said moan. What the eye on her leg spotted was a rather pleased looking Polly come stumbling out from behind the bleachers, followed up by a dazed looking Oz. The party geist pulled up her pants slightly and said a few words to Oz who replied with a few of his own, Zoe was too far away to hear what they were discussing, after Polly planted a quick kiss on the spot where Oz’s lips should have been she flew off with a smile on her face, leaving Oz all alone.

Quickly realizing this, Zoe decided that now was a good a time as any to finally pop the question and started casually approaching Oz. As casually as an eldritch monster who felt like their innards were going to claw their way out of their chest from sheer nerves could be.

‘Ask him out, look cool, stop sweating, there’s no corn still stuck in your teeth is there?’ Zoe mentally spoke, trying to hype herself up for the task at hand.

“I can’t wait to marry that girl.” Oz wistfully said before noticing Zoe standing not a few feet away. “Oh hey Zoe! What’s up?”

“Would you like maybe sweating go out for teeth corn?” said the anime fangirl only to immediately regret her mental slip up.

Zoe mentally facepalmed ‘THAT’S NOT A SENTENCE!!!’ 

“What?”

Zoe took in a deep breath and focused. “Sorry, what I meant to say was that I heard you were getting a harem going.”

“O-oh, right. I know, it’s weird but if it means I can be with Miranda it’s worth it, having a bunch of other cute girls to hang out with is just a bonus.”

“And you’re still open for new members right?”

Oz shot Zoe a knowing smile. “Oh I see what you’re getting at.”

“You..you do?” Zoe stuttered out.

“And the answer is yes! I would love your help in planning out my harem.”

The squee that was building up died in Zoe’s throat. That wasn’t what she was implying at all, but Oz didn’t seem to notice her crestfallen expression.

“You’ve probably got tons of experience with harem anime, I mean you could probably help us out right?”

“Yes, b-but that’s not what I was talking about.” Said Zoe.

Oz grew confused, if she wasn’t there to provide her expertise then what was she there for?

“Look, Oz, we’ve known each other for a long time right?”

“Only since the universe began.”

Zoe chuckled at that, how time flies. “And we’re really...really, close friends right?”

“Of course we are. Why do you ask?”

“Well have you ever thought that maybe...we could be...more than just close friends?”

Oz paused for a moment, scratching his head. “I’m sorry, but I really don’t get what you’re asking me.”

Zoe sighed. “You know what? Fuck it.”

Before the fearling could even ask what she meant by that, the former elder god grabbed ahold of his cardigan and yanked him into a firm kiss; mashing her lips against his own in a show of passion, tentacles wrapping around his form.

That was about the moment that Oz’s brain shorted out, his best friend was kissing him, the girl who he had known since the first sentient organism felt fear for the first time had her lips pressed against his own, she was sticking her tongue into his mouth which was now biting on his tongue with the tiny mouth that existed on the tip of said tongue, it was both horrifying and erotic at the same time.

Once he managed to gather his wits, Oz’s first instinct was to push Zoe away and ask her what she was thinking; but those instincts were quickly overwhelmed by a headful of hormones that let him know just how good, how right it felt to be kissing Zoe and encouraged him to take it further. It wasn’t until he felt one of Zoe’s tentacles trail down his back and grab his buns like the horny highschool girl that she was that Oz finally gave in and said two of the sweetest words in the english language:

‘Fuck it.’ 

Oz soon wiggled his arms free from Zoe’s embrace and wrapped one around her back while the other weaved it’s way through her...hair?...tentacles? Whatever that mess on top of her head was called, it didn’t matter. It was super romantic and that’s all you need to know.

After a few more minutes of tongue tango, the two eldritch beings finally pulled away from each other with panting breaths and a line of what is presumed to be spit connecting them.

(give me a break, I’m failing the ancient ones portion of advanced monster biology - signed the narrator)

“Now Oz.” panted Zoe, suddenly serious. “Can I be the next girl to join up with your harem?”

“Uh-huh.” Oz nodded with a dopey little smile, his massive venom-like tongue still hanging out of his mouth

“Great! I’ll tell Polly the good news next time I see her! In the meantime, how about we all go to my place later tonight and binge watch some ‘To Love Nisekoi Musume’? For research purposes of course.”

Oz seemed to snap back into focus, his tongue retracting back into his mouth which promptly vanished from his face. “O-okay, sure! Sounds A-awesome!”

Zoe smiled and kissed Oz’s cheek. “Alright, see you later Oz-senpai.”

As she left Oz couldn’t help but let out a giddy laugh. “Brian was right, this is going to be amazing.”


	4. the demonic amazon

Mark Antoine the treant had survived a lot at Spooky High during his three year term at the school, an impressive feat considering he was nothing more than an unseen character mentioned only in specific events and his tendency to wear nothing but red shirts; magic battles from the coven, Vera Oberlin’s criminal schemes, and even several of Damien Lavey’s rampages, after a certain point he started to believe that he was simply invulnerable.

That belief died rather quickly today and to be honest, he always figured that dodgeball would be the end of him after that gypsy woman told him so, it was a darn shame he didn’t heed her words but gosh darn it did he love dodgeball!

It wasn’t a completely hopeless situation, while Mark may have been the last man standing on his team the other team only had two members. Unfortunately for the living tree, those two members happened to be Miranda Vanderbilt and Dahlia Aquino; Mark had witnessed first hand how powerful those two royal monsters could be whenever they worked together for a common goal. But he still had the size advantage as well as most of the balls, if he approached it smart he could- and Miranda just climbed onto Dahlia’s shoulders with both of them holding a ball in each hand.

He was good and screwed now.

As Mark watched the four red orbs of death hurl towards him, the last thing that passed through his mind was: ‘I should have taken a home ec course instead’

Dahlia let out a whooping victory screech as her opponent was reduced to nothing more than a pile of woodchips that were promptly scooped up by the medics on standby, as is standard procedure for whenever coach holds a dodgeball game, and carried out to be reassembled by a tree surgeon.

“YES! ANOTHER VICTORY FOR DAHLIA AQUINO AND FRIENDS!” Screamed the aforementioned demon, the mermaid sat upon her shoulders expressing similar enthusiasm.

However the enthusiasm of the latter quickly died when a thought seemed to occur to the merprincess who quickly peered at the time on her phone, eyes widening in horror when she realized just how long this game had dragged on.

“Oh no! I’m late for the meeting!” Miranda screeched, hopping off Dahlia’s shoulders and using her serfs as steps until she reached the gym floor; quickly moving towards the exit only for a large blue demon to stand in front of her.

“Surely you’re not going to skip out on our post victory hair braiding Miranda! I’ve improved so much under your tutelage!” Exclaimed Dahlia.

Normally Miranda would simply get her serfs to move her friend out of the way, but Dahlia was simply too large and strong for them to do so; forcing Miranda to resort to her least favorite part of being royalty, being diplomatic.

“I’m sorry Princess muscles, but I cannot miss this meeting. I promised the others I would be there to assist in the plan. We shall simply have to reschedule-”

“Hold on...Meeting...Others...assist...plan…” gears began to turn inside of Dahlia’s head, causing a rather mischievous grin to come upon her face. “You’re trying to form some sort of alliance aren’t you? I have heard rumors going around about you gathering allies but I did not believe it to be true until I heard it from you.”

“well...I suppose you could refer to the arrangement as such. But yes, several of my friends and I are trying to form a-”

“Say no more Miranda, I know what you’re going to say and I’m in. No matter what it takes I will join your legion!”

“Truly? Wonderful!” said Miranda, completely misreading Dahlia. “Meet me in the empty classroom in the southeast wing of the school with the others, at this rate Oz’s harem shall be complete in no time at all!”

Dahlia nodded eagerly and the two parted ways, the mermaid princess heading in the direction of the aforementioned room while the buff blue goddess hit the showers; she had worked up quite the sweat during the dodgeball game and couldn’t afford to offend Miranda’s fellow harem members with her B.O.

It wasn’t until halfway through washing her long flowing hair that Dahlia finally realized what Miranda had said.

“Wait a minute...A HAREM?!” The demon shouted, crushing the shampoo bottle clutched in one hand.

**************************

“Alright so, let the first official meeting of Oz’s harem planning committee come to order!” Said Zoe, banging a gavel onto the table. “First off, roll call. Polly Geist?”

“Present!” replied the ghost.

“Miranda Vanderbilt? Vanderbilt?”

Zoe looked around the room, almost as if she was expecting Miranda to be hiding somewhere, it was unusual for the princess to be late like this.

“Huh weird, usually Miranda’s on time for-”

Polly got cut off by the aforementioned princess bursting through the door with her standard army of serfs.

“Sorry I’m late, gym class dragged on far longer than I anticipated. Nonetheless, I claimed victory with Dahlia as usual.” Miranda gazed at the empty chair next to Polly in confusion. “Wait. Where's Oz?

“Oh apparently he’s busy hiding from the slayer, she’s been chasing him around all day today, and he can’t make it; don’t worry, I think he trusts our judgements enough to find the right girls for him. Now then let’s get down to brass tax.” The eldritch fangirl flipped over the chalkboard to reveal several diagrams all centered around building Oz a harem. “ Operation ‘make Oz the perfect harem of girls so that him and Miranda can get married and we all live happily ever after’!”

“Wow boo, you’ve thought about this.” Polly remarked.

“I’m a hardcore shipper Polly, this sort of scenario is a dream come true. I’m not gonna half-ass it, anyways I’ve put together a comprehensive list of all the girls in Oz’s life, present company excluded, and ranked them all based on how likely it is that they’d pursue a romantic relationship; the plan is for us to go down this list and ask each girl if they’d want to-”

Zoe didn’t get any further as the classroom door promptly flew off its hinges and slammed right into the chalkboard, destroying both items in one fell swoop.

“NO! I SPENT ALL NIGHT WORKING ON THAT HAREM CHART!!!” Zoe despaired.

While Zoe cried over her lost work, Polly and Miranda looked towards the door to see a rather upset looking Dahlia.

“How could you Miranda?! After all we’ve been through?!” Screeched the blue demon.

Polly looked towards Miranda for an explanation but she looked every bit as befuddled as the ghost did.

“I can’t believe you would go ahead and form your own harem with Oz-”

“I’m sorry Dahlia I-”

“-without even asking me if I wanted to join!”

Miranda became even more confused at that response. “Pardon?”

“Come on! I mean next to Liam, Oz is the cutest guy in school! I’ve liked that little black jelly bean since the moment I saw him!” Sighed Dahlia, gaining a rather affectionate expression before switching back to one of hurt. “I thought we were close Miranda, I would have assumed you would have immediately asked someone as beautiful and powerful as myself to join your harem immediately! Is there something wrong with me? Why didn’t you ask me to join?!”

“I-I meant to but-“ Miranda didn’t get to finish her explanation when Dahlia went on yet another rant.

“But what? Oh I get it, you need me to prove myself first don’t I? You can’t let any unworthy wenches get their hands on your dear Oz, I understand. Fear not! For I shall show you all that I am truly worthy of the fearling’s affections, I will make it so that no force in the world will be able to drive us apart! And then I shall become part of your alliance for the rest of eternity!”

Once she had finished her speech, Dahlia dashed off in the hall presumably to find Oz, leaving behind three rather stunned girls.

“Should we be worried about Oz?” Asked Polly looking uncharacteristically concerned for a change.

“Perhaps. While I am confident princess Dahlia would never do anything to intentionally harm my prince, we might want to follow her just to be safe.”

Polly nodded and hoisted the still weeping Zoe over her shoulder, quickly following the merprincess out of the now destroyed room; a wise choice considering Martin the were bear janitor showed up not ten minutes later and nearly had a conniption at the sight of the mess laid before him.

**************************

“Okay I lost her, oh my god I think I lost her.” Oz huffed, slamming the door behind him and locking it up tight.

The fearling’s morning had not started off well, he had arrived at school all ready to spend some quality time with his girlfriends and start planning out his harem; when a crossbow bolt had whizzed above his head, barely skimming his hair, before embedding itself in a nearby tree. It took Oz all of about three seconds to figure out it was another attack by the slayer which sent him running, but for some reason she refused to leave him alone. The monster hunter continued to stalk him over the course of the day, attacking him randomly and popping out of seeming nowhere.

(he wasn’t entirely sure how she managed to stuff herself into his own locker.)

Luckily for him, he had managed to trick the lilac haired girl into entering a broom closet and locking her inside. It’s a good thing Martin installed these reinforced steel doors to keep the riff-raff out of his stuff, even though it was totally useless since the janitor never seemed to leave the door locked.

“Now to head out and find- OOF!” Oz got all of about five feet before slamming face first into something that was somehow both solid and firm while soft and squishy at the same time.

“Ho-oh! I did not realize gathering a harem would make you so bold.” boomed a decidedly feminine voice.

“Oh no.” Oz muttered as he slowly came to the realization of where his head likely was and who he had just walked into; but just to be sure he looked up and was greeted with the visage of Dahlia Aquino who was staring at him like a wolf would stare at a piece of fresh meat.

He tried to pull away from her ample bosom but Dahlia quickly wrapped her massive arms around the shadow boy, pinning him in place and hoisting him off the ground to the point where his feet were dangling off the floor. He was good and trapped now, at least she wasn’t crushing him with the impromptu hug like last time.

“H-hi Dahlia, what’s up?” said the shadow boy, his voice slightly muffled from the two pillowy mounds he found himself forced in between.

“Well my beautiful black liquorice stick, I have heard that you are attempting to gather members for a harem so that you may court the beautiful Miranda Vanderbilt. As a highly desirable member of royalty I thought it only be right for me to grace your harem with my presence, for no harem would be complete without the almighty Dahlia!”

The blue demon released her grip around Oz to do one of her signature flexing poses, one would have thought that the fearling would have been able to use this opportunity to escape the demon’s grasp. Unfortunately for him, Dahlia had flexed in such a way that her flawless pecs squeezed Oz’s head like a vice, keeping him trapped and making him even more flustered than he thought possible.

“However Miranda asked that I first prove myself worthy of your affections before I would have the honor of joining your alliance. Which is why we are going out to the old Devil Moon tonight on a dinner date! We’ll have some drinks, discuss our favorite anime, and if the night goes right we may even consummate our newfound relationship! What say you loverboy?!” Exclaimed Dahlia.

As he was weighing his options and working up a proper response, while also trying to get over the fact that he was being sandwiched inside of her sizable bust, Oz noticed something about Dahlia’s demeanor, something that would go over the head of most monsters but for a master of thirst such as Oz it was almost glaringly obvious. Past all that bravado and confidence, he could detect just a hint of thirst in her tone; he wasn’t certain, but it was almost like she was secretly desperate to become part of his harem. But that was a storyline he could explore another time, he wanted to gather up harem members as soon as possible and seeing as Dahlia was literally throwing herself at him and offering to take him out on a date so she could join said harem was simply too good of an opportunity to pass up.

So he muttered a simple yes, causing Dahlia to smile even wider and drop Oz who promptly landed on his feet with a stumble that was the opposite of graceful.

“Excellent! I shall meet you there at eight!”

As Dahlia lumbered off with a spring in her step and a grin upon her face, the rest of Oz’s harem finally arrived to give him a once over.

“Oz! Boo! You okay there?” Asked Polly, giving him a once over with her hands.

“Y-yeah, I think I’m good.” Oz said with a slight cough. “Why did you tell her she needed to prove herself to me?”

Miranda sighed. “We didn’t, she just made that assumption on her own. Oh well, at least we know she’s taking the harem seriously.”

Oz gulped. “That’s what worries me.”

**************************

Oz was completely right to be worried.

The fearling sat in the back of an ambulance, bandages being wrapped around his now broken arm by a goblin paramedic while the old Devil Moon bar burned to the ground, a rather sheepish looking Dahlia sitting next to him.

To her credit, the night had started without so much as a hitch. Dahlia had sure picked the right place to hang out on a first date, it had sort of a romantic air to it with dim mood lighting and a rather classy music drifting through the air; yet the mood of the crowd was jovial and the drink selection wasn’t too exotic giving the place a casual tone to it. 

As they started talking over shots, Oz very quickly realized that despite being a warrior princess obsessed with bulking up; Dahlia was almost as big of a geek as Zoe and him were, she played magic the gathering, pokemans (her team was built to counter Damien’s directly), and even had hand stitched her own She-Ra cosplay for monster con last year.

‘Come to think of it, she might have been the one to win best costume at the same competition Zoe and I entered’ Oz mentally remarked.

The duo quickly relaxed around one another, having found common ground through their own geeky interests, chatting it up more like old friends than anything else and Oz was honestly enjoying himself a lot on this date.

Unfortunately since he was a harem protagonist, the universe had a personal vendetta against him and right in the middle of discussing their favorite animes, a plastered Damien Lavey with an equally trashed Vicky Schmidt stumbled into the bar. At first Dahlia didn’t notice them, too enthralled with her talk about Future Diary when Vicky audibly shouted their names, getting the big blue demon’s attention who was NOT happy to see them, or at least not Damien.

The frankengirl had tried to play mediator at first, recognizing that Oz and Dahlia were on a date, so as not to ruin both of their nights. But with Damien being drunk and Dahlia being...well Dahlia, they started arguing, which evolved into flinging increasingly creative insults at one another until somebody threw a steel chair; it didn’t hit anyone but because of the steel chair effect, the bar broke out into a massive fight. 

Oz couldn’t quite recall what happened next, the rest seemed to be a blur but he distinctly remembered using his eldritch powers to back up Dahlia while trying to get Vicky outside. When he came to, his left arm was broken, the street was lined with emergency vehicles, and Dahlia was carrying him out of the burning building over her shoulder. While he couldn’t confirm it, he could make an educated guess on who started said fire.

“Well.” Oz muttered, taking in a breath. “This was an interesting first date.”

Dahlia looked away, uncharacteristically silent, her head slightly bowed.

All of a sudden Oz’s phone starts blowing up with texts from his friends and harem members; Brian and Amira wanted to know if Vicky and him were okay, Miranda was primarily concerned for him, Polly scolded him for destroying one of her favorite bars, and Zoe was asking if the date had gone over well.

As he was scrolling through the messages, he heard what sounded like gentle crying, his head craned around trying to find the source and to his surprise he found that it was Dahlia of all monsters.

“Dahlia? A-are you okay?” Oz said, placing a hand on her thigh. “You look like you’re crying.”

Dahlia sniffled. “N-no, Dahlia Aquino doesn’t cry!”

“The tears on your cheeks say otherwise. Look if something’s wrong you can-”

“Just say it. Get it over with.” Dahlia bluntly interrupted.

“What?”

“Say that this was the worst date ever and you don’t want me to be in your harem, I understand I’m used to it.”

“Dahlia I-”

“I mean it happens everytime!” exclaimed Dahlia, her crying beginning anew. “Nobody wants to date me because my passion for life and amazing muscles keeps intimidating any potential suitors! Even when I find somebody that agrees to date me, something always goes wrong and I scare them away with my intensity! It just isn’t fair, I’m a desirable full bodied warrior princess but nobody loves me!”

Suddenly everything snapped into focus, that’s why Dahlia had a hint of thirst in her voice when asking her out; her love life was about as lively as a saharan desert, she really wanted things to work out between them. It also explained why she was so forward when flirting with him, most monsters weren’t brave enough to approach her.

Luckily Oz wasn’t most monsters and while a heartfelt speech would have made her feel better, Oz felt that actions would have spoken louder than words in this case.

So, mustering up all the boldness he could, Oz put a hand on Dahlia’s cheek and brought her lips to his own. The kiss was short but passionate and it caught the buff blue goddess completely off guard, who completely froze at the feeling of the shadow boy’s lips pressed against hers.

After what felt like hours, Oz finally broke the kiss and let out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding.

“Now then Dahlia. What I was going to say that this was a great date, not perfect obviously.” said Oz, motioning to his cast. “But I still had fun.”

Dahlia didn’t say anything, she just looked at Oz in disbelief.

“Look, I-I know you’re worried that I won’t be able to ‘handle’ your passion but honestly I think that’s your greatest feature. You approach everything in life with this unbreakable confidence, you never back down from anything and you put your heart and soul into everything you do; from your rivalry with Damien to how you eat your lunch, you always strive to do your best and while some people might see that intensity as a bad thing I wish I had the same level of confidence that you do.” Oz paused for a moment. “And I could really use some of that confidence and passion in my life, so Dahlia…”

Oz looked up at Dahlia’s shocked face with a smile. “Wanna join my harem?”

The two monsters just looked at each other in silence, the sounds of Damien’s screams as he was stuffed into a police car and the crackling of a burning bar being the only thing to fill the air.

Then Dahlia lunged at him, hungrily capturing his lips with her own and stuffing her tongue down his throat in a sloppy french kiss, locking him in with her tree trunk like arms.

Oz immediately returned the kiss with gusto, fighting back the best he could with his own tongue but for once the pink muscle found itself overwhelmed by the sheer size and intensity of Dahlia’s own ministrations, forcing him to simply lay back and let her do as she wished; a scenario he was oddly content with.

Soon enough, the duo had to come up for air and Dahlia separated from her new lover, her tongue dragging out his own as it left his mouth with several ropes of spit connecting them. She REALLY got in there.

“S-so is that a yes?” Oz stuttered out, his head stuck in the clouds before it was stuffed into Dahlia’s cleavage for the second time today in a bone crushing hug.

“YES! I WILL JOIN, OH OZ I’M SO HAPPY!!!” Dahlia suddenly felt her boyfriend’s arms beating against her back and quickly realized that she was smothering him. “Whoops, sorry.”

The fearling took in a greedy breath of air, having been freed from his soft prison, and looked up just in time to see Damien and Vicky whiz by in a clearly stolen police cruiser with a squad of officers following shortly after them. Dahlia looked at Oz who, clearly understanding what she was implying put his foot down.

“No Dahlia, let the police handle him. I’ve had enough excitement for one night, we can go after him some other time, you, me, and the rest of the girls.”

Dahlia frowned, clearly disappointed by having to let her eternal rival go but seemed to respect Oz’s firmness.

“How about we just go back to your place and cuddle?” the eldritch horror suggested.

The buff demon almost immediately perked up and hoisted Oz into a bridal carry, walking off with him into the silent city streets.

Oz wouldn’t say this was the best date he had gone on, Miranda held that honor, but this was certainly on the top ten.


	5. the tsundere hunter

For millennia, humans and monsters alike wondered if their fates were tied with the heavens. From the stars, to the moon, to some people who believed that their fate is tied to the sun, and they can only be killed when the sun goes out, there is no concrete answer. Save for the one about the sun, because my cousin Greg is an idiot.

A certain shadow man knew his luck was not tied to the stars or the sun, but to other heavenly bodies. Namely, the beauties who made up his growing harem. As their number grew, along with the amounts of snuggles and kisses, his misfortune seemed to grow along with them.

His arm had just healed, his physiology made him a quick healer when it came to things like broken bones, and the pub had just been rebuilt, announcing it's grand reopening. Those things were good, along with Dahlia's attention, stamina, and how well her and Miranda got along, Oz was quite happy.

What wasn't good, however, was the tiny lilac haired woman chasing him through the school. Those green eyes held even more unconstrained rage than before, and Oz couldn't figure out why. As he ran down the hallway, he racked his brain for reasons that Slayer might hate him. He did lock her in the janitorial closet, but that was after she chased him. He never threw a red delicious at her, spent tons of time with her crushes, or ever lobbed a brick at her head then threw her in a toilet. Compared to his friends, Oz was practically a saint towards the leather clad woman.

Oz turned a corner, and slid into an empty classroom. He looked for an escape route, there had to be windows, right?

“Damn it!” Oz cried, seeing that there wasn't a single window in this classroom. 

Sometimes it really sucked going to a school with vampires for teachers. Before Oz could think about his super good accidental pun, the Slayer burst in.

“Why are you doing this?” Oz cried.

“Prepare to die!” The Slayer said, not offering an answer.

She aimed her crossbow at him, and all Oz could do was cower, hands raised. Oz shut his eyes, not wanting to see the bolt tear into him. He could probably survive a shot or two, but it would put him in the hospital for a while. 

“Ahhh! L-Let me down!” the Slayer cried.

Oz opened his eyes, which nearly popped out of his head. The crossbow was on the floor, but more importantly, a glowing portal had appeared over The Slayer, purple tentacles spilling forth. Some of them bound her wrists, others were traveling over her body, across her chest and thighs.

“Sorry!” Zoe cried, entering the classroom. “I didn't mean to grope you. These things have a mind of their own sometimes.”

The tentacles receded back into the portal, save for two around the Slayer's arms. Oz's legs felt like jelly, but he walked over to Zoe, giving her a hug.

“Thank you.” He said, pecking her on the cheek.

The Slayer snarled, causing Oz to dart behind Zoe.

“I got this. Miranda and the girls are in the lunchroom, they're waiting for you.” Zoe said.

“Thanks Zoe. I'll see you later.” Oz said, shyly patting Zoe's butt before he left.

“So...” Zoe said, turning her gaze to The Slayer. “Why are you bothering Oz so much?”

“He's a monster!” The Slayers said through gritted teeth.

“You and I both know you chase down people as a way to vent your sexual frustrations.” Zoe said, then leaned in closer. “You like him.”

Aaravi met her gaze for only a moment, before looking away, face dusted red. 

“Do you promise you won't tell anyone...?” Aaravi said, still looking at the floor.

“Of course.” 

“Really?” Aaravi said, looking back up at the purple girl.

“Yeah. I wouldn't want to ruin a perfectly good love confession.” Zoe said, smirking.

Aaravi looked back at the floor. “That stupid shadow boy is all I can thing about... But he doesn't even look in my direction unless I have him at knife point!”

Zoe's many eyes went wide as Aaravi grit her teeth. She should have realized this sooner, it was perfect!

“O. M. G! You're a tsundere!” Zoe gushed.

“A what?” Aaravi said.

“You act like a jerk to cover up your feelings!” Zoe explained. “This trope is pretty played out, but I think you've added some new life to it. You're an adult; which is good, no pigtails; see previous point, East Indian; good diversity, you have a tragic and gripping back story, and you're cute.”

Aaravi blinked. “You think I'm cute?”

“Yeah. Say, if you're into yuri we could-” Zoe began.

“Think you could let me go? My arms are getting numb.” Aaravi said, cutting her off.

“Fine. So, do you want to join the harem?” Zoe asked.

The tentacles let go of Aaravi, and disappeared inside of the portal which blinked out. The Slayer looked at her hands, then stretched her shoulders. She blushed at Zoe's words, then sneered.

“Hell no! I'm not going to debase myself like that!” Aaravi cried, then threw down a smoke bomb.

By the time it faded away, the Slayer was gone. This was an interesting development, Zoe thought. Every harem needed a tsundere, in fact it was pretty amazing it had gotten so big without one until this point. Aaravi was an interesting contender, and it was a good thing, since Zoe wasn't sure how to get Vera in on the Oz loving action. It looked like the VeraxBrianxAmira love triangle was going strong. Unless of course Vicky snapped her up into her own harem. Zoe couldn't think about that right now. She needed to find a way to get Oz and Aaravi to lock lips!

Out in a space somewhere between the sports field and the rave tree, Oz and his girls were relaxing. They decided to have their lunch outside, and were enjoying the nice weather. It was a great reprieve from being chased around, and the fearling felt lucky. Polly was sitting on the grass, flipping through her phone (probably looking at dick pics), while Oz had his head on her lap, a few of his phobias also snuggling against the ghost's thighs. Nearby, Miranda was running a gem encrusted brush through Dahlia's hair.

“Hey Zoe, thanks for earlier.” Oz said.

“What happened?” Miranda asked, looking up from Dahlia's magnificent mane.

“Just the Slayer.” Oz answered. “She's been ruthless lately.

“The Slayer has been a powerful ally to me before, but if she harms a single hair on my little jelly bean's head...” Dahlia growled, before getting to her feet so abruptly that Miranda was still holding onto her hair. “I will crush her puny head between my thighs!”

“Actually Dahlia, I have a favor to ask you, and it's about the Slayer.” Zoe said.

Dahlia opened her mouth, but before she could answer an 8-Bit version of 'Fighting Gold' rang out. Oz sat up, fishing his cellphone out of his pocket. He answered the phone, his knuckles going ashy, talking on the phone always made him anxious.

“H- Hello? What?! ...Oh my god...Th-Thanks for telling me?” Oz said, his shoulders going limp.

“What's wrong?” Polly asked, pulling Oz into a hug.

“Yes. You seem most distressed.” Miranda said, on her feet.

“Just give me a name.” Dahlia growled.

“It was my credit union.” Oz said, tears beginning to spill from his eyes. “They said that someone got into my account and cleared it out.” 

Oz lowered his head, clenching it in his hands. Under his breath me muttered something about how 'he should have expected this' and 'something always goes wrong'. Miranda stepped closer, staying just out of reach.

“Please do not fret, my knight. We will solve this.” Miranda said.

Polly stroked his head. “Yeah! We're not about to let this happen! Let's get Vera to help! She'll know what to do.”

“Excellent idea!” Miranda said. 

“Y- You'll help me?” Oz stammered, raising his face from his hands.

“Of course.” Polly said, kissing his head. “Vera owes me a favor anyways.”

“Zoe, I hope it's okay we cannot assist you on your errand.” Miranda said. “But Oz needs our help.”

“Don't feel bad. Are you sure you don't need me or Dahlia to help you guys?” Zoe asked.

“We'll be fine. Get the Slayer to stop bugging Oz.” Polly said.

She got to her feet, helping Oz up. Zoe leaned in and hugged Oz. He was still trembling slightly, the poor guy, but after what she was going to do he was going to feel way better! Suddenly, there was the sensation of a giant python wrapping around the two monsters, which turned out to be Dahlia grabbing them in a hug.

“Are you sure you don't need me?” Dahlia asked.

“I- It's fine!” Oz squeaked. “H- Help Zoe!”

Dahlia let go of them, and Oz panted for a moment, trying to catch his breath. Zoe was unaffected by this back breaking hug, being an invertebrate and not actually needed to breath and all.

“Yes, I will keep her from chasing you...” Dahlia said in a low voice then bellowed out. “Permanently!” 

“P-Please don't kill her.” Oz said.

The two groups went their separate ways. Oz and his girls went to find Vera, while Zoe and Dahlia went to find the gorgon’s sister. The two walked across the grass, heading to the bathrooms.

“So, how are we going to get the Slayer to leave our little Ozzy alone?” Dahlia asked. “Bribery? Blackmail? Violence?”

“We're going to craft her some new armor. So bribery.” Zoe said.

It wasn't a lie, she just wasn't being completely honest.

“So you need my armaments expertise?” Dahlia asked, beaming with pride.

How could Zoe feel bad when she was making a buff demoness so happy? The two approached Valarie's shop.

“What's up you two?” The cat girl asked, putting her phone down and flashing them a smile.

“We're doing a little shopping.” Zoe said.

“You've come to the right place! What can I do for you? A map? Cocaine? A lemon?” Valarie asked, waving a hand over her wares.

“It's not this kind of fic, but I need some Minotaur leather, mithril, and a ruby.” Zoe said.

Val raised an eyebrow. “That's going to cost you.”

Dahlia slammed down a bag filled to the brim with coins with such force that a crack appeared on the counter. A few coins slid out of the opening, drawing the cat woman's eyes. She got their order together, giving it to the demoness to carry

“So, what's all this junk for, if I may ask?” Val asked.

“We're crafting some armor.” Dahlia declared. 

“Gonna fight Damien again?” Val said. Zoe was sure she could hear her mutter something about 'gotta sell tickets to this'.

“It's for the Slayer. She's been harassing Oz a lot, so we're making this as a peace offering.” Zoe said.

“Yeah, the little yellow guy has gotten pretty popular lately. My sister's a little weirded out by it, but he is pretty cute.” Val said.

The eldritch cute made a quick mental note of Valarie's comment. She might have tried to get her involved, if Zoe wasn't so impatient to make the armor. The two thanked Val, went to Dahlia's house, and down into her family’s smithy.

The better part of the evening was spent creating the armor, forging the metal, and sewing the leather. Zoe had to admit, it was looking pretty good. It wasn't bikini armor, but it was pretty damn sexy.

The two parted ways, Zoe taking the armor with her. She knew Aaravi a little more, and the Slayer felt more comfortable around her, was the reason she gave, but it was time for her to commence her plan.

******************************

The next day at school, Zoe came early, carrying a package under her tentacle. She was smirking to herself, glad she didn't need to sleep because she couldn't have gotten a wink last night. Zoe walked around the school, until she came upon the Slayer, sitting in a tree and sharpening her knife.

“Hey Slayer!” Zoe called.

The lilac haired woman looked down at her, still clutching her knife. “What do you want?”

“I got a present for you!” Zoe shouted.

Shrugging, the Slayer placed her knife back in her belt and leaped down, landing in front of Zoe. Zoe held out the package, which Aaravi took and tore open. She looked at the armor in her arms, eyes wide.

“I've never seen this set before.” Aaravi marveled.

“Yeah. It's a custom job, me and Dahlia worked on it all night.” Zoe said.

“Damn, Dahlia sewed this leather?” 

“I know, she's amazing with a sewing machine.” Zoe said.

She reminded herself that she HAD to work on a cosplay together with the demon. Hell, they could all do a group cosplay. Wow, there were so many things they could cosplay together! She had to focus! One thing at a time, Zoe.

“I'll try it on.” Aaravi said, holding it to her chest, then paused. “So, you want me to leave Oz alone in exchange for it, right?” 

“Do whatever feels right. Listen to your heart.” Zoe said.

Aaravi shrugged and ran off in the direction of the washrooms. Zoe finally let the grin that was building up inside her free. She was so excited, she almost forgot to ask Oz how he felt about Aaravi. Oh well. It would work out, she just knew it.

Oz raised his hand, waving to Zoe. Him and Miranda just arrived at school, and he was eager to tell his friends, and girlfriends, the good news. Zoe had a huge grin on her face. She must have her own good news too.

“Oz! You look happy.” Zoe said.

The eldritch cutie came to a stop in front of them. The three stopped by the stairs, staying just outside of the flow of people.

“Same could be said for you.” Oz said. “We got the money stuff figured out, thanks to Vera.”

“She was able to hunt down the dirty, rotten criminal responsible for distressing my dear prince.” Miranda said. “And she made him give back every cent, with interest.”

“That's awesome! Vera's pretty badass.” Zoe said.

“I feel so much better now.” Oz said, then looked at the sky.

“What's wrong?” Miranda asked.

“It doesn't look like storm clouds... Maybe a meteor will come squish me instead?” Oz said.

“Aw come on Oz.” Zoe said, wrapping her tentacle around his shoulder. “Things are going to be fine.”

Before Oz could say anything, or even sigh, a cry rang out over Spooky High. It was loud, brutal, and made from undiluted rage and sexual frustration. No one had time to ask what it was or what was happening, there was a loud crash as something landed on top of one of the, thankfully empty, school buses. The dust cleared, revealing the Slayer. Something was different, not just her armor, but her whole demeanor seemed far more unhinged. 

Oz had to admit, through a haze of terror, the armor looked kind of good. It was also leather based, with metal adornments, the main part covering her from chest to upper thigh. There were gauntlets, as well as metal boots that went up to her thigh. His gaze was drawn to her thighs, which squished out between the armor and the tops of the boots. The chest plate also looked quite nice, offering protection, but also enchanting her natural assets. Before Oz could get a boner, the Slayer caught him in her gaze.

“You stupid shadow boy!” Aaravi cried, hefting a massive battle ax. “I'm going to make you mine!”

Oz bolted. He didn't think, it was just a reaction. He had to get away from Aaravi, as fast as he could. The feelings he had about seeing her thighs could wait until he knew he was safe.

‘This was not going according to plan.’ Those words kept echoing through Zoe’s mind. Even as the Slayer jumped off the school bus, and chopped it clean in half. ‘Why isn’t this going according to plan?’

The Slayer turned back to them, catching sight of the fleeing Oz through the school entrance. She rushed at them, only to be knocked back by Dahlia. The demon’s fist made contact with Aaravi’s breast plate, sending her tumbling down the stairs.

“I sensed my little black licorice stick was in trouble.” Dahlia’s voice was a low growl.

Aaravi pulled herself back up, a look of grim determination on her face. Even though she just fell down a flight of stone stairs, she didn’t have a scratch, or bruise on her.

Dahlia’s eyes went wide. “Impossible! I must have made this armor too powerful!”

“He’s mine!” Aaravi growled, then lifted her ax. “MINE! MINE! MINE!”

The Slayer dashed up the stairs and leapt, going high above Dahlia, bringing down her ax. It was only by sheer luck and years of sparing experience that the blue demoness was able to avoid a fatal blow. The ax sliced into her abdomen. It was not a deadly blow, but she needed help, and fast.

“We need to fall back!” Zoe said, then looked around.

Miranda was gone, no doubt her serfs pulled her away the moment danger was sensed. The whole school was in a panic, and she didn’t see anyone who could help her.

“Look!” Zoe cried. “It’s Oz in a speedo!”

The Slayer, who was looming over Dahlia, ax in hand, spun around in the direction Zoe was pointing. Her green eyes wide as she hunted for that hot shadow booty, scanning over the school yard.

“Where is he? Bathe him and bring him to me!” The Slayer ordered.

Before Zoe could worry about moving Dahlia, Polly appeared, grabbing the demon woman by her shoulder.

“Come with me!” Polly said, looking at Zoe, then phased herself and Dahlia through the wall.

The remaining students had made a stronghold in the library, which was where Polly took them.

“I can't believe this.” Dahlia groaned. “I can't believe she took our gift of good will and did this!”

“Calm down, babe, you don't want the bleeding to start again.” Polly said.

Zoe was pacing, taking the situation in. How could things have gone so wrong? This wasn't like one of her schemes at all. It was more like something Oz would have expected to happen, and maybe it did make sense. This particular shenanigan revolved around Oz, after all.

In the other corner Vicky was hiding with Scott, who was holding her like a safety blanket. It was hard to tell who was comforting who. Zoe was so worried she couldn't even take stock of this new ship.

“It shouldn't have been so strong.” Zoe said out loud.

Polly and Dahlia looked at her.

“What?” Polly asked.

“Did you enhance the armor?” Dahlia added.

“I did, but not like how you're imagining.” Zoe said. “I'm sorry, but I have to find Oz!”

The elder being vanished in a puff of bubbles, their color completely unexplainable to a normal person. How long had it been since she'd gone to the shadow dimension? In her youth, this was the place she could always find Oz. It was like their meet up place, their clubhouse. In the distance, Zoe saw the dark shape of her friend, sitting in the void with his knees drawn to his chest.

“Oz!” Zoe cried, propelling herself to her friend.

“Zoe?” Oz said, raising his head.

He'd been crying. She hated to admit it, but he looked adorable when he cried; scratch that, he always looked adorable. Zoe pulled Oz into a tight hug.

“I'm so sorry.” Zoe said.

“It's not your fault, she's always been like this...” Oz said.

Zoe lifted Oz's chin with her tentacle. “I enchanted that armor, and gave it to her.” 

“What?” Oz said, stumbling back.

“It was only supposed to be a small, unnoticeable enchantment, but something went wrong.” Zoe said. “But I need you to help me get it off of her.”

“W-Why me?!” Oz stammered. 

“Because, you're the only one who can remove it.” Zoe said, grabbing Oz's arm.

“I-I'm not good with disenchantment.”

The space around them shifted, and they were now in a random class room of Spooky High. The place was a complete mess. Desks were in pieces, papers littered the floor and the walls were covered in gashes. In the middle of it all, stood the Slayer, axe still clutched in her hands.

Z-Zoe...” Oz whimpered.

“I'll hold her, you take off her armor.” Zoe said.

The Slayer turned to face them, snarl on her face. She raised her ax to rush them, just as a portal opened up over her, more tentacles spilling out. Her gaze snapped from the two of them to the tentacles. The Slayer jumped back, swinging her ax and destroying at least half a dozen tentacles. Zoe waved her hand, opening up another portal behind her. The tentacles wrapped around her wrists and ankles as Aaravi turned, trapping her, and lifting her off the ground. Another set of tentacles pulled the ax of out her hands.

“Now take it off!” Zoe called.

“I told you. I got a D in 'enchantment breaking'.” Oz said.

“No, I mean literally, take her armor off!” Zoe said, gritting her teeth from the effort of holding the Slayer.

Oz's face went bright red. So that's what she meant by…

“I can't keep holding her, Oz!” Zoe cried.

It looked like he didn't have a choice. Oz approached the Slayer. He had to be brave, it was for the whole school, he could do this. Still, he started with the shoulder pads, undoing them and letting them, clatter to the floor as the Slayer struggled against her binds. Oz tried not to look at her butt, which the leather shorts seemed to enhance, or her thighs. Next he went for the shin guard part, but as he got it unhooked, there was a cry and a grunt from Zoe. 

The Slayer broke free, knocking Oz backwards as she fell. The two landed on the ground Oz falling on his back. Before he could be thankful he didn't fall on any of the splintered desk pieces, the Slayer landed on him, ass first, directly onto his face....It actually felt pretty good.

The Slayer rolled off of Oz, giving him a chance to regain in composure and some air, and grabbed her axe. She threw her weapon at Zoe, who leaped out of the classroom as the axe blade lodged itself in the wall near the doorway.

Oz sat up and jumped, catching the Slayer in a hug. He had to get this over with. Screwing his eyes shut, he undid her chest plate, but before he could continue, the side of his face was struck. The Slayer twisted out of his grip, and slapped him across the face.

“You stupid shadow boy!” Aaravi sneered.

Oz thought he would only see rage in her eyes, but there was something else. Tears shimmered in her green eyes.

“I-I'm sorry, Aaravi.” Oz said. “I just want you to stop destroying the school...And to stop chasing me.”

“But you never paid attention to me unless I was chasing you!” Aaravi screamed.

She raised her voice, trying to sound more angry and intimidating, but it just made her tears run freely. Oz went quiet. She didn't hate him? She actually….liked him? The shadow man lowered his head, more ashamed than usual.

“Oh god, I can't believe I didn't realize it.” Oz said. “Especially after all that stuff with Norah.”

“We went through all that.” Aaravi said, voice cracking. “And then you just stopped hanging out with me.”

“I thought you would make other friends.” Oz said, though the real reason he spent less time with her was Miranda.

“You idiot.” Aaravi groaned, looking away.

Oz closed the gap between them, not even worrying that the Slayer was topless, or might use this as an opportunity to snap his neck. She needed to be comforted and cherished, he could see that now. She practically melted under his touch. A small sob escaped her, and she wrapped her arms around him. The fearling let her cry, nuzzling her hair. She smelled really nice actually, like vanilla or jasmine. It reminded him of ice cream.

“Are you okay?” Oz asked.

“Yes.” She answered. “I like this.”

“Me too.”

That was when Aaravi kissed him, her hot mouth on the space where his would be. He felt the tiniest hint of tongue, darting against his pitch black skin before pulling away. That, and the feeling of her bare chest against his was all he needed to deepen the kiss. His face split open, his tongue tracing across her lips, which opened eagerly. Oz was amazed by how she gave in to him, letting his tongue slid in and encircling hers. His hands went to her bum, which he squeezed gently before giving a rough pinch. The Slayer squeaked into his mouth, pressing closer to him. He hadn't expected the Slayer to be so submissive, but the monster hunter was practically putty in his hands. 

They finally broke the kiss, Oz retracting his tongue slowly back into his mouth, letting their spit stay connected as long as possible before it broke. Aaravi stayed still, her mouth opened, but she slowly opened her eyes. Her freckled face was flushed. God damn, she was cute.

“S- So am I a part of your harem?” Aaravi asked, looking away. “Not that I really want to be, b- but every party needs a tank.”

“Only if you want to.” Oz said. “And if you promise to stop chasing me.”

“Only if you promise to give me more hugs.” The Slayer said, eyes narrowing.

They removed the rest of the armor, and thankfully Aaravi had kept her old gear with her. A bag of holding seemed like a useful thing. Oz tried to do it all by feel, keeping his eyes shut, but more than a few times he got slapped. 

Once the Slayer was decent, the two entered the hallway, eager to find the other girls. It was very quiet, it seemed like most of the students escaped during Oz and Aaravi's kerfuffle. They turned a corner, and met up with not only the harem, but a small army of serfs and demons.

“There she is!” Dahlia cried.

“The beast who threatened to take our prince!” Miranda cried.

Oz stepped in front of Aaravi, trembling slightly as he did so. The rage held in the demoness and mermaid's eyes were enough to but even Damien to shame. The fearling couldn't believe he hadn't turned to ash under their gaze, but maybe he had leveled up his bold stats enough.

”It's okay. I talked with Aaravi.” Oz said. “It was the armor. When she put it on, she couldn't control herself.”

“It was like I got a confusion debuff. All I could think about was Oz.” Aaravi said, peeking out from behind Oz.

“Guys.” Zoe said, stepping forward. “It was my fault.”

Everyone looked at the purple girl, who in turn gazed at the floor.

“I just wanted Aaravi to confess her feelings to Oz and have a moment with him. I never wanted anyone to get hurt.” Zoe said.

“So that was why you wanted to make the armor.” Dahlia said.

Miranda had a hand to her chin. “Well, I suppose this was just an act of political subterfuge. My family does this all the time. There weren't even that many casualties.”

“So everything is forgiven?” Zoe asked, raising her head.

“Let's just agree not to use any more spells, okay.” Oz said. “Especially not ones where I have to strip anyone.”

“Wait, you used a 'only your crush can remove this enchantment'?” Polly said.

“Yeah, it was a really bad idea, and I- Aaravi?” Zoe began.

The Slayer stepped out from behind Oz, drawing her crossbow. His head bowed, leaving her face in shadows.

“Zoe, because you're cute, I'm going to give you a ten second head start.” Aaravi said, loading in a bolt. “But after that, I don't think I'll be able to control myself.”

“A- Aaravi, please!” Oz said, putting a hand on the Slayer's shoulder. 

“I won't do that anymore! I learned my lesson!” Zoe said.

Aaravi looked at Oz, seeing the pleading in his face. She re-holstered her weapon. 

“Fine.” She groaned.

“And so, dear reader.” The Narrator said, stepping into a view. “Never enchant someone's clothing without their consent!” 

He got a bolt to the shoulder for that comment.


	6. the chill catgirl

Valerie’s ears perked up as she heard the front door open, looking up from her spot on the couch she saw Vera walk in through the door looking immaculate as ever.

“Hey sis!” Said Valerie with a wave before returning her gaze to her phone.

“Hi Valerie.” replied Vera, making her way to her room in order to slip into a more comfortable outfit.

As she left, Valerie noticed small scorch marks on the edges of her jacket and quickly put two and two together; gaining a smirk when it finally clicked.

“So how was your date with Amira?”

Vera froze midstep, even with her back turned the gorgon’s adopted sister could still see the pronounced blush on her face. Vera would insist that her relationship with the spunky djinn was strictly of the professional sense, she couldn’t fool Valerie; she knew all those ‘business meetings’ were really just excuses for her sister to spend more time with the fiery haired girl. It didn’t help that Vera often came home late with soot and ash on her clothes, the smell of burnt matches lingering off her form. Even Scott would know something was going on between the two of them….well maybe not him, the boy was all sorts of dense, but she could see it clear as day.

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about Val.” Stuttered Vera before swiftly speed walking into her room.

Valerie could only chuckle at the display, she really wished her sister would just come out and admit that she was dating Amira. It would save her so much teasing on the werecat’s part.

After a few moments of comfortable silence, Vera returned in a much more casual getup consisting of a pair of sweatpants and a band t-shirt from the last concert she attended, the gorgon settling down on the couch next to her sister.

“If you’re done teasing me, mind telling me how your day was?”

“Oh you know, just business as usual. Scamming suckers, joining harems, and hocking whatever junk I can find.”

Vera nodded before the slow realization of what her sister had told her began to wash over her.

“Wait what was that last thing?” asked the gorgon.

“Scamming suckers?”

“No after that.”

“Hocking junk?”

“BEFORE that.”

“Ohhh, joining a harem.”

Vera just blinked in bewilderment, so she did hear Val correctly. “What do you mean by, joining a harem?”

“I mean I joined a harem. You know, when a bunch of cute and/or sexy girls like myself all start dating the same guy with each other’s consent.”

“I know what a harem is Valerie.” Vera growled. “I meant why the hell did you decide to join one?! You’re my sister! I thought you were better than that!”

Valerie just shrugged. “Hey, I’m an adult. If everyone involved is aware and consenting to the whole arrangement and nobody’s getting hurt I don’t see what the big deal is.”

“The big deal is that I don’t want my sister getting treated like some trophy in some dickhead’s collection!”

“Oh Vera, Vera, Vera.” Valerie scolded with a shake of her head. “You and I both know Oz is far from being that kind of guy.”

“Wait, Oz?”

“Yep, the little guy is starting up his own harem. It’s actually coming along really nicely, I’m like the fifth girl to become part of it.”

“Wha- who?” sputtered Vera, becoming more shocked by the second.

“Well let’s see there’s me, Polly, Zoe, Dahlia, and Aaravi. Honestly I’m surprised about that last one, I never knew the slayer had a thing for a dork like Oz until a few days ago. Oh and I think Miranda’s planning on joining a little down the road” 

At this point Vera’s jaw was nearly hanging off her head in surprise, at what she was more shocked by she didn’t know: that almost half of her friends and her sister had decided to join a harem or that Oz, shy, dorky, couldn’t talk to a girl without stuttering Oz was at the center of it all.

All she could do is calmly stand up. “Would you excuse me? I need to head out and attend to some business.”

‘Uh oh.’ Valerie thought to herself, she knew that tone. That was Vera’s overprotective sister tone, she had to work fast.

Pulling up the group texting app that she had helped set up, Valerie quickly sent a message to her fellow harem sisters.

 **Kool4katz22:** Guys, I think we’ve got a problem…

**************************

Oz, his four girlfriends, and one future girlfriend were all spending some quality time together at the former’s place; basically taking over the entire house, thankfully Vicky was out on a double date with Calculester and Scott, Amira was off cleaning up after one of her dates with Vera, and Brian was sleeping upstairs. So thankfully, they weren’t stepping all over the rest of the color squad’s toes when doing so.

(It was a good thing that Brian, literally, slept like he was dead.)

Oz was busy in the kitchen with Polly and Aaravi, the former of the two trying to teach the hunter how to bake a happy cake after she not so nicely asked them to. Apparently a happy cake can restore more health than any other food item and she needed it for an upcoming raid. Meanwhile Zoe, Dahlia, and Miranda were in the other room with the latter’s army of serfs trying to select a candidate for their final harem member.

“Okay so, with Valerie in the harem that means Vera is off the table. Which sucks, I would have liked her to join up but I guess there’s only room for one tsundere here.” Remarked Zoe.

“And we’ve already established that neither of his female compatriots have any interest in him with Vicky seemingly assembling a harem of her own and Amira being Vera’s concubine. Who does that leave us with?” Added Miranda

“Other than all the background characters that have almost no relevance to the story, just the coven. But which of the three do we choose? We can’t bring all of them on board and they’re all SO COOL!” Said Dahlia. “Personally I’d vote for Hope but I’m willing to hear your arguments for Joy and Faith.”

While the girls were busy arguing over which of the three members of the coven should be the one to join their harem, Miranda and Zoe argued for Faith and Joy respectively. The doorbell rang, followed up by a series of loud knocks.

“I’ll get it. Polly you help Aaravi finish up with the icing.” Said Oz, pulling off his frilly pink apron.

The ghost nodded and proceeded to get up right behind the slayer, grabbing the girl’s hands with her own as she guided the tip of the icing bag, pressing her boobs right against Aaravi’s back. The adorably flustered look on the slayers face would be worth any future retribution.

Oz opened the door to greet his visitor, only to have a hand cannon leveled at his face before he could get out so much as a word. Looking past the barrel, he saw that the gun was gripped in an extremely well manicured hand which was attached to a slender arm that belonged to none other than the ruthless gorgon herself, Vera Oberlin.

Honestly Oz would normally more freaked out by the fact that he was literally staring down the barrel of a gun, but having survived The Slayer’s horrific rampage a few days ago he honestly wasn’t even phased by it, nor was he bothered by the crowd of goons behind Vera who also had guns pointed at him.

It was the fact that Vera of all monsters was the one holding the gun is what freaked him out and it certainly didn’t help that she looked rather angry.

“H-hi V-Vera, w-what are y-you doing h-here?” stuttered out the living shadow.

“Come with me please, we’re going out for a little ride Oz.” Vera pulled back the hammer of the gun. “Don’t make me ask you again.”

Oz didn’t even get the chance to think about complying, as Dahlia strolled into the hallway leading to the front door. “Hey, Oz. I just got a text from Valerie, she said that Vera is coming over for a-”

Dahlia froze when she noticed that her boyfriend was currently being held at gunpoint by a gang of thugs, spearheaded by Vera Oberlin. None of the three parties said anything, just staring at each other, waiting for someone to make the first move.

Vera ended up being the one to do so as she grabbed Oz’s collar with her free hand, roughly yanking him out the door. This caused Dahlia to let out a battle cry, pull a longsword out of seemingly nowhere, and charge towards the crowd.

From there, all hell broke loose.

Dahlia’s battle cry gained the attention of all the other girls in the house who, upon seeing Oz being kidnapped and Dahlia trying to prevent said kidnapping, quickly leapt into the fray to save their boyfriend. Save for Miranda, who merely sent her battle serfs in to do all the fighting for her.

What followed next was an epic battle on the front lawn between the forces of Oz’s harem and the best goons Vera could find. During which the fearling got passed around from party to party, each restraining them in their own way and at one point getting caught up in a tug of war between the two factions. Even Brian joined in the fray, all the commotion waking him up from his slumber. It was an absolute brawl that would have taken up a whole three pages to write out, but unfortunately due to budget constraints and the laziness of the author we won’t get to read about it. So we’ll just skip to the aftermath of the brawl.

“HOW DARE YOU! HOW DARE YOU TRY TO TAKE MY PRINCE AWAY FROM ME YOU HAG!!” Screeched Miranda as Zoe and Oz held back the raging princess.

“Yeah, seriously Vera. Not cool.” Added Valerie as she wrapped a bandage around Vera’s leg.

“Well I’m sorry but I just got worried about you all. Especially you Val.”

“So you try to kill Oz?” Questioned Polly as she dragged one of Vera’s dead goons off the lawn.

Vera rolled her eyes. “I wasn’t going to kill him...yet. I was just going to kidnap him, interrogate him and then decide whether or not I was going to kill him. I was still on the fence about the whole thing.”

“Okay, instead of kidnapping and torturing each other like savages. How about we all just go inside and talk this out like adults? Try and find out what the hell this was about?” Suggested Brian, washing blood off the sidewalk with a hose

Aaravi pouted. “You expect me to just ‘talk it out’ with that monster? She frickin shot me!”

“No I don’t. Which is why I made a call.”

Aaravi looked confused for a moment before a flash of green light behind her caused an intense feeling of dread.

“Aaravi I am very disappointed in you.” 

“Oh no.”

“I felt like we made so much progress in finding better ways to channel your inner frustrations and then Brian tells me that you trashed the school because a boy you liked wouldn’t pay any attention to you!” Norah the fairipist scolded.

“Why did you call Norah?!” Shouted Aaravi. “How did you even get her number?!”

“She’s helping me deal with my narcolepsy problems. And I needed someone to help me play mediator and keep you from starting another fight.”

Aaravi just groaned, putting her face in her hands as everyone was led inside. Leaving Miranda’s serfs and Brian to clean up the scene of carnage, Vera’s remaining goons having fled the scene.

Vera took a seat on one side of the dining table next to her sister, while Oz and his harem sat on the other side across from the two; Aaravi and Dahlia each taking a seat next to Oz, forming a sort of protective barrier around him, both clearly still upset at Vera’s actions. Meanwhile Norah sat at the front end between the two groups.

“Okay so, first things first. Vera, why did you try and kidnap Oz?” the fairy asked.

Vera sighed. “Because I was worried.”

“Worried about what?”

“That my sister and best friends were being pressured into joining a polygamus relationship. That they didn’t really want to join a harem.” the gorgon spat out.

“Well that is certainly a valid concern to have, especially for your family members. However…” Norah turned towards Valerie. “Valerie, do you feel like Oz or the others pressured you into joining their harem?”

“Nope. I actually was the one to ask him if I could shack up with his harem.”

“Care to elaborate on that further?”

“Sure, it happened just this morning.”

**************************

**Week whatever, morning.**

Oz couldn’t be happier right now, his harem had made so much progress in so little time. It had been only, what a few weeks since he had started gathering girls? Now he had four girlfriends and only needed two more before he could be reunited with his first love, Miranda Vanderbilt. He never thought there would have been room in his heart for any other girl than her, but his harem had proved him dead wrong as they had all found a way to worm their way inside of his feelings.

Of course pickings were starting to get rather slim, he had already gotten two of the most popular girls in school along with two amazing side character girls, all of which he loved with all his heart. But he still needed two more girls and one of them had to be a member of royalty. His first instinct was to ask Vera but she was already dating Amira and he wasn’t the type of guy to steal his best friend’s girl. Maybe in another timeline where him and one of his friends were competing to seduce the same classmate, but that was neither here nor there. While the harem clause did say that he could bring guys on board, that route just didn’t seem like his cup of tea. Plus most of the available bachelors at school seemed to have been spending an awful lot of time with Vicky as of late. 

As he closed his locker he decided that he’d put those worries on the backburner for now, Zoe and him had a creative writing presentation to do and she was really excited about showing off her spooky high sci-fi AU to the class. Besides, they could always figure something out with the rest of the harem.

‘Man, Zoe has really been a huge help hasn’t she? Putting together a list of potential girlfriends, getting Aaravi to admit her feelings, making sure that our harem is happy. I should do something nice for her, like get her a gift, she is my girlfriend after all.’ Oz thought to himself.

Making a quick detour through the school’s main lobby, Oz found Valerie and her little cardboard box set up in the corner with a rather long line. Thankfully, Valerie was an efficient business woman and got the line moving quickly, it was Oz’s turn before he knew it.

“Oh hey there stranger. What can I do for ya today?” Valerie said with a slight teasing tone. 

“I wanted to do something nice for Zoe, do you have anything she might like? Maybe a Psychonaunts plushie or some Infinite Stratos merch?” Oz asked.

Valerie gave a toothy smile and ducked under her ‘table’, the sound of clattering bottles and shifting boxes resonated from beneath.

‘One of these days I have got to ask where she stores all of this junk.’ Oz thought to himself before Valerie placed two items on the table: a handheld gaming device and a wrapped present, further observation of the latter revealed that it was addressed to Oz.

“Here, one Garfield Nendroid for fifteen bucks and one mystery gift free of charge.” said the shopkeeper.

Oz quickly forked over his online poker winnings and pocketed the Nendroid, then he picked up the gift and examined it, noticing that the name tag was addressed to him instead of Zoe. The fearling looked at Valerie with a questioning gaze.

“Well? Are you just gonna look at it? Open it already.”

Oz shrugged, he wasn’t gonna pass up a free gift after all. Quickly shredding the red and green wrapping paper and popping off the box’s lid; Oz looked inside to find a small slip of paper. The shadow boy snatched it up and turned it over, revealing the paper to be a small coupon with a rather cartoony version of Valerie giving a thumbs up drawn on it. The coupon itself read:

‘One free date with Valerie Oberlin.’

Oz stared at the coupon for a few moments in silence, his brain trying to process what exactly Valerie was trying to imply through this coupon. After taking way longer than was strictly comfortable, Oz blushed and looked back at Valerie.

“I-is this your way of asking me on a date?”

The cat girl nodded.

“Y-you know I’ve got a harem right? I’m dating four other girls right now.”

“Dude, that is exactly why I want to go out with you.” 

That only served to befuddle Oz further. “I...I don’t follow…”

Valerie sighed. “Okay Ozzie, look. When you first popped up on my radar you seemed like a cute guy, kinda dorky but in a cool way, but nothing really notable outside of your massive thirst for your classmates.”

Oz tugged at his collar, she wasn’t wrong on that observation.

“You were attractive but not really the type to stand out in the crowd, ya know? You kinda just blended in with the background. But then you started snatching up girls left and right, Polly, Zoe, Dahlia, Aaravi, and that got my attention.” Valerie scooted in closer to Oz, getting up in his business. “If you were good enough to get through Aaravi’s tough exterior, tame Dahlia’s wild heart, and even get Polly you jump your bones, all at the same time, then there’s gotta be something special about you. Personally I would love to find out exactly what it is.”

That last word had a rather sexual implication woven into it, but it went right over Oz’s head as he realized that Valerie was now mere inches from his face, sending him into a flustered state.

“W-well, I-I um…” Oz sputtered out before letting out a string of garbled words that were quickly silenced by Valerie’s furry palm

“Oh my god dude, calm down. I’m not asking you to nail me, I’m offering you to go out on a no risk, trial date. We go watch a movie, have some lunch, talk things over, and just see where things go. If we have a connection, great! I join up with your harem and we all have fun together. If not then that’s fine too, we stay friends and move on with our lives. What do ya say?”

Oz had to admit, that did sound like a pretty good deal and he did need more harem members. 

“Alright, sure. S-sounds great.” the fearling replied.

“Great. Let’s get going then.” Said Valerie, swiftly packing up her shop and grabbing a hold of Oz’s wrist.

“Wait, you mean right now?!” Oz exclaimed.

“No in three weeks. Yes now you beautiful idiot!”

**************************

“And then what happened?” Norah said, prompting the girl to continue.

“W-well, we saw ‘Sequel, The Movie’. Got some burgers at the Cannibal Cafe, started talking, and we sorta just clicked. I asked if she was fine with being a member of my harem and she said yes. Then we went back to school and went on with our day.” Oz explained.

“Oh it was a little more than that Ozzy. I seem to recall us making out in my car for a good half hour before heading inside, your tongue is amazing by the way.” Valerie said with a teasing tone.

The rest of the girls all chiming in agreement with the shopkeeper’s statement, Oz truly was gifted in that regard. All the shadow boy could do is cover his face in embarrassment.

“Wha- Valerie!” Vera exclaimed

Norah hummed. “Okay now we’re getting somewhere, Vera is clearly bothered by the fact that her sister was kissing Oz. But why is that so troubling to you?”

“Because she just decided to start dating Oz on a whim! And when he already had four girlfriends to begin with!”

“Is that really why you’re upset?” questioned Norah while scribbling down on her notebook. “Because it feels like you’re just using that as an excuse to cover up the protective instincts you have for your sister.”

Vera flopped back in her chair. “That’s not..I mean...I’m not..”

Norah just gave Vera ‘the look’.

“You’re really good at this.” Vera said with a sigh.

“Best in business. But we’re not here to talk about my merits as a licensed therapist, we’re her because you’re having trouble letting go of your sister.”

Valerie then turned to face the aforementioned gorgon. “I don’t get it, why do you have such a problem with Oz? He’s like the most harmless guy at spooky high. Sure he’s got a harem going but it’s not like he’s cheating on any of us.”

“I...I just get worried about you Val. Since we were kids we’ve always had each other's backs, we looked out for each other and protected each other, you’re not just my sister but you’re my best friend. Then you just spring this whole harem thing on me out of nowhere and wanted to make sure you weren’t just getting into something that would hurt you down the road.”

A snort from Polly brought the attention from everyone else in the room, the ghost then flew over to Oz and squished his cheeks together. “Oh come on Vera, does this look like a guy that would break your sister’s heart? He’s just an adorable little dork.”

“Quit ittt!” Protested Oz as he shoved the ghost’s hands off of him.

“She does have a point there Vera.” Zoe chimed in. “I mean it’s Oz, I’ve known him for years and the guy is pretty much harmless. The only thing that really gets him mad is when the people he cares about are in trouble, and that’s a good thing. You really think he would hurt Valerie?”

Vera pursed her lips. “Well I guess that is true, but-”

“Vera, look, I appreciate that you’re trying to look out for me and all but it’s really not needed. I knew about Oz’s harem for a while, ever since Zoe joined in. Aaravi wouldn’t stop talking about how badly she wanted to be a part of it.” Valerie said

The gazes of the room then shifted to The Slayer who seemed to be trying to melt into her chair out of embarrassment.

“I didn’t just jump in blindly, I’ve been thinking about this for a while and honestly, I can really see myself being part of this whole harem deal.” Explained the catgirl. “I know what I’m getting into her Vee; it’s crazy, but so is most of the stuff at spooky high, and I really want to see where this road goes. Besides, Oz isn’t the worst guy I could go out with right?”

Vera seemed to consider this for a moment or two, sitting in silence before standing up and taking a deep breath in.

“Alright, alright. I’ll back off, you can date Oz as part of a harem without me getting in the way.”

Vera held up a finger, silencing the cheers from the girls that were about to occur. “However, I need to speak with Oz in private for five minutes. I promise I won’t do anything to hurt him, I just want to clarify a few things, you can even stand right outside the door when it’s happening.”

“You promise?” Asked Miranda.

“I promise.”

Miranda extended her pinky finger. “Do you pinky promise?”

Vera sighed, as much as she didn’t want to she knew Miranda wasn’t going to let this go. So she wrapped her own pinky around that of the merperson and shook. “Pinky promise.”

“Very well, everyone knows you cannot break a pinky promise lest you face horrible retribution, you may have your audience with Oz.”

“Then my work here is done.” said Norah. 

With that, Norah disappeared in another bright green flash and the rest of the girls followed Vera down the hall as she pulled their boyfriend behind her.

**************************

“Is this your room?” asked Vera as she led Oz inside.

The fearling meekly nodded.

“It suits you.” the gorgon continued, locking the door behind them with the rest of the harem still outside and taking a seat on Oz’s bed, motioning for him to follow.

“So, why are you doing all of this anyways?”

“Pardon?” Oz said.

“This whole harem thing? You barely had enough courage to ask out Miranda last semester and I would have thought after you two broke up you would have at least waited until the end of the year to move on instead of plucking up a new girlfriend a day later so what gives?”

“Miranda never told you about the harem clause?”

Vera blinked. “The what?”

Oz then went into great detail about what the harem clause was and how it not only served as the central conflict for this story, but also as the primary motivator for all of his actions as of late.

Once he finished, Vera looked rather stunned. “That seems exactly like something out of one of those bad harem anime that Zoe loves to watch.”

“That’s exactly what I said!” Oz exclaimed

The two monsters shared a brief moment of laughter before returning to the rather tense silence.

“But...that’s not only why I’m doing this.”

“Oh?”

“I mean at first this was just a way to get back with Miranda after her family forced us to break up, but as the harem went on I realized that there was more to it. I slowly began to fall in love with all of the girls, all for different reasons, Valerie included.”

Vera said nothing, wordlessly encouraging Oz to continue.

“First there’s Polly, my little blue ray of sunshine; no matter how down I’m feeling, no matter how bad of a day I have, she always manages to cheer me up and brighten my day. Then there’s Zoe, the first friend I ever had, we were close from the very beginning, she’s like a confidant to me, someone I can trust with my deeper issues and geeky interests because she understands them, she’s my kindred spirit. Dahlia’s no slouch herself either; she's probably the most passionate person I know, even more so than Polly, and it shows in the way she throws herself at life; giving it all at everything she does and that’s something I can admire. Aaravi is an interesting case, I thought she hated my guts until she worked up the nerve to admit how she really feels, now I see her as a guardian; someone who will protect me when I need it most and yet I feel the need to pay her the same favor. Lastly there’s Valerie, sweet Valerie, she’s the most level headed one, sure she’s a tease but that’s how she shows affection; that girl is someone I can just sit back and chill with, no drama, no crazy spooky high shenanigans, just a simple date with a cool girl.”

Oz took in a breath. “I love each and everyone of them, all of them work off each other so well and add something new to the relationship, something that I need in my life. This harem isn’t just so I can be with Miranda anymore, it’s so I can build a new life for myself with a bunch of girls that will make me the best monster I can be.”

Vera was completely taken aback, she didn’t expect such a heartfelt speech from the fearling. He had basically laid his entire soul out for her to see and in a weird way, she came to respect that honesty. But she still had a job to do.

“You really love them don’t you?”

Oz nodded.

The gorgon threw an arm over the shadow boy’s shoulder and brought him closer. “Well you’ve certainly proved yourself that Valerie definitely picked the right guy to date. However…”

Oz felt the cold steel of a switchblade press against his cheek, automatically causing him to stiffen in the ice queen’s arms.

“I wasn’t kidding when I said how close Valerie and I are, she’s my better half. If you hurt her or mistreat her in any way I swear to god I will personally ensure that the rest of your short ass life is lived in extreme pain. Understand?”

Oz gulped. “Y-yeah sure, I-I understand.”

“Good, I know it probably wasn’t necessary to say that but I just wanted to be absolutely sure we understood each other. Anyways, I suppose my business is done here, I’ll be on my way.”

Right as Vera grabbed the doorknob, she paused for a moment and pressed her ear against the door, a mischievous smile came upon her face.

“Oh and one more thing, you may want to brace yourself.”

Oz cocked an eyebrow. “Why?”

Vera pulled open the door and immediately Oz’s harem rushed in and tackled him against the bed in a massive group hug, each of them crying tears of joy, having clearly heard his declaration of love.

“Ozzy that was beautiful boo!” Exclaimed Polly.

“It was the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard! I’m totally using it for my next fanfic!” Zoe cried.

“I may be the strongest warrior in hell, but I could never hold a candle to the power of your love!” Dahlia boomed.

“From now on I’ll protect you with my very life Oz, I promise. I won’t let anything come between us!” shouted Aaravi.

Valerie decided that actions spoke far louder than words and pushed her way through the hug until she reached Oz, cupping his face in her hands and bringing him into a deep kiss.

This one was much calmer compared to the other girls, Valerie’s rough cat tongue slowly running over his razor sharp teeth, gently brushing against his own as she tried to coax the long wriggling muscle out of his mouth into hers. Her hands running sensually down his sides as her tail coiled around one of his wrists. 

After a few moments of this, Valerie broke the kiss with a lazy smile on her face while Oz could only sit there breathlessly. No matter how many girls he made out with, sucking face would always leave him completely stunned.

A state that Aaravi took advantage of when she pushed Valerie aside and locked lips with Oz herself, capturing him in a more aggressive kiss.

“Hey, don’t hog him boo! Let the rest of us have a go!”

Vera looked at Miranda who was still standing at the door pouting.

“Jealous are we?”

“Not of them, Oz may love them all but I know I still hold a special place in his heart as his princess. I just wish I could join in but the harem clause bars me from any form of physical affection with him until he meets the requirements.”

Vera smirked and gently patted Miranda on the shoulder. “You’ll get your chance soon enough. I’m sure of it.”

On that note, Vera left Oz to his little love fest with Miranda acting as the unwilling voyeur.

As she got out of the house, she saw that Brian was now tossing garbage bags into the back of his truck and the clean lawn made it clear exactly what was in them.

“Oh hey Vera. How’d it go?”

“I think it went well, of course I think the girls are now trying to suck the life out of Oz upstairs.” the gorgon replied, getting a laugh out of the zombie.

“Can’t say I feel bad for him, he’s the one that wanted a harem. But anyways, I’m just gonna go out to the forests and dig some two foot deep graves and chuck these bad boys in.”

That got Vera’s notice. “Two feet? But that’s hardly even a grave at that point, shouldn’t you be digging two and a half?”

Brian shrugged as he picked up a rusty shovel. “For a full body sure, but here’s the trick: use a hacksaw. Speeds up the decomp rate, trust me, fifteen minutes with a saw will save you an hour with a shovel.”

“Huh. You seem rather well versed in this topic.” Vera said with slight suspicion.

“Eh, it’s a hobby of mine. I got into corpse disposal when I was in middle school and it’s stuck with me for all these years, it might sound creepy but I know at least ten different ways to get rid of a dead body.”

That wasn’t creepy at all, if anything Vera found that to be a very useful skill to have in her line of work.

“Do you mind if I come with you, I think I might have a few business opportunities for you.”

“Sure.” said brian as he hopped into the car. “Could always use an extra set of hands.”

Vera stepped into the passenger seat alongside the zombie and they were off to a trip in the woods to dispose of some garbage.

**One hour later...**

Upstairs, Oz was simply laying in a pile of affection with several different shades of lipstick on his face and his clothes all but destroyed. It had happened so fast he didn’t even recognize all the things they did to him, all he knew was that he was very sore and very tired. The rest of his harem was cuddled up to him in a sort of nest of warm bodies, each part of him being held onto by a different girl. Polly had his left arm, Dahlia was curled up against his entire right side, Zoe was resting against his leg with Valerie curled up in a cat-like fashion at the foot of the bed, and Aaravi was sleeping peacefully on Oz’s chest.

A cough prompted him to look up at the doorway at Miranda who had a slight smile on her face, Oz grew a tad sheepish at basically shutting her out of this massive expression of love but thankfully she didn’t seem too upset.

The merprincess merely blew Oz a kiss and said “one more Oz. Just one more concubine and we can be together once more.”

Oz was really looking forward to that day, he just had to figure out who the last girl would be.


	7. the responsible witch

The snow had gone, the spring flowers were beginning to fade, and it was beginning to warm up. Summer was almost upon Monsteropolis, the current heatwave giving the denizens a taste of what's to come. People were wearing less clothes, eating ice cream, and the excitement for the end of the school year was almost a physical force.

The 'magnificent seven' as some had come to call them, were in the Color Squad's house, though it was slowly becoming just Oz's house. Brian and Amira were spending even less time at home. Vera had even bought them matching suits which Oz thought looked uncannily similar to those worn by the Secret Service, and now they seemed to either be on dates, at work, or both. Vicky was also gone a lot. She was either staying over with Liam, or Damien, but Oz had also seen instagram photos of her at Scott's house too. Well, whatever made everyone happy.

Now there was plenty of room for Oz, and his growing harem to make themselves comfortable. Him, Aaravi and Miranda were on the couch, Zoe, Dahlia and Val were sitting on the floor, and the party ghost was lounging on the love-seat.

“The Beach?” Oz echoed. “I’m not sure…”

“Why not? Everyone's hot, it'll be fun, and we already got final exams out of the way.” Polly argued.

“But the beach is kind of far away...” Oz said.

“The train goes to the beach.” Zoe said from the floor, getting her tentacles braided by Dahlia. “It goes to both of them, actually.”

“There's two beaches?” Oz asked.

“Yeah. A normal one, and one that's like it's right out of an anime. They sell watermelon and everything.” Zoe said.

Behind her, Dahlia let go of her tentacles. The braids she formed held... Only for a second before going to Zoe's normal hair style. The demoness put her face in her hands, and took a deep, calming breath. It looked like she was also seeing Norah.

“That does sound cool...” Oz said.

“Thank god for nerds!” Polly said, flopping back on to the couch.

Valarie was laying on the floor, half under the coffee table. She looked up from her phone, numbers running through her brain.

“Maybe I could open up shop on the beach. Sell towels and shit. I could finally get rid of my back log of Diamond water.” The cat girl said.

“Alright. We can go tomorrow, since it'll be Saturday we can stay all day. Is everyone okay with that?”

There was a chorus of cheers (and a subdued 'yay') from the girls, but Oz saw Miranda's expression. Her hand was to her mouth, and her delicate brows were furrowed.

“What's up?” He asked the princess.

“Where is the beach located?” She said.

“It's on the south end of the city.” Zoe said. “That's where the Little Japan area is.”

Miranda let out a sigh of relief. She stayed quiet, until she saw Oz's face, then she looked away.

“Forgive me. The other beach is close to my family's home.” Miranda said. “I don't want them to see us until we've finalized the arrangement.”

“I understand.” Oz said.

He put a hand on Aaravi's shoulder. The Slayer stifled a groan before putting her hand on Miranda's shoulder. Oz gave her a gentle squeeze for that. Aaravi had been working hard, she'd been seeing Norah more, and when she wasn't she was acting as an elite bodyguard for the team.

“So, we're going tomorrow.” Oz said, then had an idea. “Why don't we get some ice cream tonight? It is pretty hot.”

The girls all cheered.

******************************

The next day, Oz and his harem were on a train heading to the beach, but they weren't the only characters on board. On the other side of the train, the Coven sat together, their beach paraphernalia demonstrating that they too were going on a summer fun adventure. Faith was on her phone, and Hope was leaning back her left arm in a brace. This current arc was rough.

This big bad, the Puppet Master was a nasty piece of work. Not only could his mind control people, and make them his puppets, but he was also a big creep. He actually was gross enough to say her butt was too big. Joy tried not to let it get to her, and instead turn it into fuel for saving the world.

It was hard fighting The Puppet Master, since it was the Coven's code of honor not to hurt innocents, and it was pretty hard to do when an innocent was wielding a broken beer bottle at you. Hope had been a casualty, she had sprained her wrist when a mind controlled man had tackled her. Before this trip, the Coven had a small argument on whether the tiny witch should come or stay home, and they settled on her coming, but sitting on the sidelines as much as possible.

“I think...” Hope said. “That we are long overdue for a vacation arc.”

“This isn't just for fun.” Faith said, looking up from her phone. “This is to draw the Puppet Master out. That's how vacation episodes work.”

“You're both right” Joy mediated. “We've earned some leisure time, but we're also going to stay vigilant.”

“It looks like there was an incident in town while we were gone.” Faith said. “Do you recall those four horny students at our school?”

“Polly is only one person.” Joy said.

“Sadly yes, but those other four horny monsters. The ones that live by the school together.” Faith said.

“Oh yeah.” Hope said. “The zombie guy's kinda hot.”

“Well, there was a big fight on their front lawn... Apparently over the one in the cardigan.” Faith said.

“The cute little puffy haired girl? She's hot too.” Hope said.

Faith closed her eyes. “No. The shadow man... Never mind, Vicky posted some pictures from the new taiyaki place.”

Faith turned her phone to companions, showing a photo of Vicky and Blobert, both holding fried dough shaped like fish, and filled with ice cream and other toppings. The two witches looked on, nearly drooling.

“Damn.” Hope breathed. “That looks so good.”

******************************

The train stopped at the beach, and nearly everyone got off. It was the ideal day for beach related fun. The sun was out, the sky was blue, the water was wavy, but not too choppy. They took their things and headed to the changing rooms, though let's be real, Dahlia was carrying most of the things.

Oz put on his swim suit, taking a look at himself in a cracked mirror on the wall. Did he look okay? Did he look like the kind of guy who deserved a harem? Though the kind of guys with harems were usually just generic dark haired anime boys. He did have dark hair at least. Oz ran a hand through it as he took a deep breath.

The fearling exited the changing room, only to come face to face with all six of the girls. His girls. All in very revealing and cute swimsuits. The term 'his girls' went through his mind again, it felt like he was a steam engine, filling with heat and pressure. Oz immediately turned and dashed into the ocean, and didn't stop until he was waist deep. The water was cold, more than he had expected. Perfect.

******************************

The Coven set up their towels near the beach, Faith and Joy doing most of the work while Hope located the sun lotion in the head witch's purse.

“Ugh, Joy. Do you have to keep your bondage gear in your bag?” Hope said, recoiling.

“Those are my supplies!” Joy said, setting up the umbrella.

“Fine, whatever.” Hope said, taking out the sun screen.

The small witch started doing herself up in lotion, Faith helping with her back. Now that they got the towels, chairs and umbrella set up, Joy lay down, giving a contented sigh. When was the last time she got to go to the beach? When she was a child, she would go all the time. Maybe she was working too hard.

“I'm going to get some drinks.” Faith said, standing up. “Any requests?”

“I just want a soda. See if they have melon flavored.” Hope said.

“I'd just like an ice water.” Joy said.

Faith left, heading to the nearby beach shack. It looked pretty busy, so they might be a while. Joy adjusted herself in the seat, she couldn't get lazy, she would have to keep an eye out for anything suspicious. Big bads always attacked when you went on vacation, always!

There was a cry. Joy turned to it, only to see that Hope was the cause. She was on her feet, and dashing towards a child who was wandering into the water.

“Kid!” Hope cried.

“Your wrist!” Was all Joy could manage.

“I'll be careful!” Hope called over her shoulder, before going into the water.

Joy sighed. If it was just a kid, it should be okay. She took the sunscreen bottle Hope had left, and started applying it to herself. She'd just have to wait for someone who could get her back. Curse this sensitive skin.

Joy raised her head, and noticed that next to her, nearly twenty feet of beach was taken up by towels, bags and umbrellas. She saw only two people, but they were familiar faces, or lack thereof. One was Dahlia, whom she knew well, and behind the blue demon was Oz. The shadow boy was rubbing lotion on Dahlia's back, taking care to massage the nap of her neck. The buff goddess nearly melted under his touch, and Joy couldn't help but feel a little envious.

“There you go. You're all ready for the sun.” Oz said.

“Thank you, my little licorice stick. You keep me protected.” Dahlia said, standing and stretching.

“So what are you going to do?” Oz asked.

“I will swim several laps, then I will purchase us a watermelon.” Dahlia said.

“Ohhh! So we can break it? Just like in an anime?” Oz said.

Dahlia winked, then leaned in to kiss Oz on the head. Joy's eyes went wide. They were a thing now? Oz certainly looked like a man in love as he watched Dahlia leave. Joy was about to turn away, when Oz caught sight of her.

“Joy?” He said.

“Oz.” She replied. “I wasn't expecting to meet you here.”

“Where have you guys been? It feels like I haven't seen you in days.” Oz said.

Did he really care so much about her absence? She saw that in the sea of towels and chairs, Miranda was also there, being fanned by her serfs. Weren't Oz and Miranda dating? Then why was he getting cozy with Dahlia? There was a shout from behind her. It sounded familiar, like the Slayer. Oz too, was looking in the direction of the scream.

“It's okay.” Oz insisted. “She just dropped her fries. She'll be fine, Polly is with her.”

“You're here with the Slayer too?” Joy asked.

Oz had come closer, which was good, since it meant they weren't shouting at each other. Joy was glad she was wearing her sunglasses, since it meant she could get a better look at Oz's body. He was very slender, but she was a bit into that. Also, his hair looked very soft. How would that shadowy flesh feel? Joy looked away, clearing her throat.

“I hate to impose, but do you think you could help me get my back?” Joy said, holding up the bottle of vegan sunscreen.

“S- sure!” Oz said, taking the bottle.

Joy brushed her hair away from the back of her neck, holding it out of the way, as Oz applied the cool crème. His delicate fingers felt good, massaging her shoulders, then moving upwards in small circles. Once he reached the nape of her neck, she couldn't help but moan.

“S- Sorry!” Oz stammered, pulling his hands back.

“It's okay.” Joy said. “So, what brings you to the beach?”

Oz liked Joy. Sure, he didn't spend a lot of time with her, but he admired how hard she worked, even if everyone made fun of her. She was also super pretty, and Oz could never say no to curves. Would Joy be up for joining the harem? How could he delicately and smoothly broach the subject? He would have to use all his smarts and charm stats in order to woo this thicc witch.

“So, Joy. Are you into polygamy?” Oz blurted out, 

Joy turned to face him, the thick sunglasses she wore concealed most of her reaction, but her eye brows did raise. Before Oz could string together a response, a powerful battle cry rang over the beach. He got to his feet, looking past the umbrella, his eyes as wide as saucers. About fifty feet away was a crowd of people, forming a circle around Dahlia and the head of the Wolfpack.

“What's happening? Oh.” Joy said, brow furrowing. “You should go in and break it up.”

“And get torn apart!?”

“Well, Dahlia is your girlfriend, right?” Joy asked.

“Y- Yeah.” Oz said.

Oz looked back to the crowd, only to see Valarie near the outskirts of the mass. The cat girl had a smirk and held a notepad and tickets.

“Alright! So who's better for Dahlia to have her fifth win? You! How much can I put you down for!” The cat girl called out.

“Aw geez. You too, Kitten?” Oz said to himself.

“Kitten?” Joy echoed. “Oz, are you dating Dahlia and Valarie?”

“W- Well... Let's not talk about this now...” Oz stammered.

Damn it, he was blowing it. He could just feel Joy's eyes boring into him, judging him, thinking he was a total creep. Oz's shoulders slumped. He couldn't even enjoy the sight of Dahlia suplexing the Wolfpack, that's how nervous he was.

“I thought you and Miranda were together? Is she-?” Joy continued.

Before Oz could explain, or even say 'it's complicated' another cry rang out through the beach, this time it was a scream. Oz's attention went from the brawl to the beach's snack shack. There were two figures near the building's roof. One was a bald man in a purple robe, and the other was Faith, who was floating next to him. The air around them crackled with an aura of power.

“Coven!” The bald man shouted, his voice surprisingly shrill. “I have captured a member of your triad. Give yourselves up, and make it easier for everyone!”

Joy pulled Oz behind the umbrella, knocking her sunglasses off. She bent over, looking over the beach towel for something. Oz couldn't help but take in the sight of her hefty rear and those thighs. How nice would they feel pressed against his face? Oz shook his head. This was not the time for face sitting!

“That's our current big bad, the Puppet Master.” Joy explained, grabbing her bag.

Oz nodded. “He seems kind of boring... He's just a bald guy in a robe.”

“Blame the budget.” Joy said.

Oz stared at her, a look of confusion in his eyes. The witch face palmed.

“Anyways. He's got mind control powers. You can see what he did to Faith. No doubt his plan is to mind control everyone on this beach. But how...” Joy said.

A bolt of green energy tore through the large black umbrella, just barely missing Oz, who jumped into Joy. The two fell backwards, the impact cushioned by the sand. Oz felt something else soft and squishy against his face, but pulled himself away. Through the smoldering hole in the umbrella, he saw the Puppet Master and the mind controlled Faith. The witch's hand glowed with energy, she was preparing another shot.

“Looks like I found you, Joy.” The Puppet Master sneered.

The light in Faith's hand grew, Oz shut his eyes, ready for it all to end when he heard a splat sound. Oz opened his eyes, seeing that the shot had been harmlessly fired into the air and a large snow cone had hit Faith in the face.

“What!?” Snarled the warlock, looking at his current puppet.

Below the beach shack was Polly and Aaravi. The ghost was surrounded by food which levitated next to her, glowing from her poltergeist powers. Next to her was Aaravi, who had her dagger out. They had tried to take it from her, but Aaravi refused to let go of it. Even Dahlia couldn't pull it from her grasp.

“I don't know what's going on, but that mind control doesn't look very consensual.” Polly said.

Polly shot her hand out, and a tray of poutine flew at the Puppet Master. He shrieked, and Faith flung herself in front of the gravy covered projectile.

“You're not a part of the Coven. Why are you trying to fight me?” The Puppet Master cried.

“Because you're doing something weird with my friend... with benefits.” Polly said.

“And I just want some XP!” Aaravi cried.

“Capture them! I wish to make the lovely blue one my slave as well!” The Puppet Master ordered.

“Hope!” Joy cried.

Oz turned his attention from the food fight, to the direction Joy was looking, the ocean. The tiny witch was on the shore, a small child had bit down on her leg. She was trying to push the child off without hurting them, but she had only one usable arm.

There was a flash of blue, and Dahlia appeared behind Hope, lifting her up which dislodged the child's jaw. Had she already beaten the Wolfpack? That seemed likely.

“I've got you.” Dahlia said.

“Please get her to a safe place.” Joy cried.

The population of the beach had thinned out, but there were still lots of people. Most of the remaining people were coming out of the water, and their eyes shimmered eerily. Oz grabbed Joy's hand, pulling her behind another umbrella, out of eye sight of the mass of mind controlled beach goers.

“I think he did something to the water.” Oz whispered.

“That makes sense. We found out he was mass producing a less powerful mind control potion.” Joy explained, since talking is a free action. “His normal mind control magic was probably reserved for us.”

“That's why he's got so much control over Faith.” Oz said.

“Am I interrupting anything?” Came a voice.

They two turned and saw Zoe, who was crouched down and clutching a pair of binoculars. Joy looked from Zoe, to the binoculars then to the note pad next to her.

“Are you spying on people?” Joy asked.

“Zoe, you said you wouldn't do that anymore.” Oz said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Gomen, senpai. I just needed to know if the hot dog vendor and the Pepsi vending machine were going to get together.” Zoe said.

“... Is she a part of this too?” Joy asked, then shook her head. “Never mind! We need to stop the Puppet Master. We need to get to someplace secure.”

“Let's try the changing room.” Zoe suggested.

“We'll cover you.” Oz said.

The three ran from cover to cover, under umbrellas and behind coolers. Polly and Faith were still engaged in their deadly food fight, with Aaravi supplying more ammo to the ghost. Meanwhile, Dahlia and Valarie were keeping Hope safe and trying to wrangle the mind controlled beach goers.

Making it through the beach, Oz jumped and rolled into the changing room. He did a quick once over, making sure the room was empty before turning back to the door. He nodded, and Joy and Zoe entered.

“Alright. I have a way to break through the Puppet Master's mind control magic.” Joy said.

“Oh good.” Oz said.

“So... Can we say the thing?” Zoe asked, grinning.

“If you want, but, let me go over the plan first.” Joy said.

The witch took her bag, and shifted through its contents. Oz and Zoe leaned in a bit, trying to get a better look. Joy pulled out a slip of yellowed paper, which showed a magical symbol, which was made up of lines and angles. There was some text under it, written in Latin.

“We must create the Seal of Liberation while I recite the incantation.” Joy said, then her cheeks turned slightly pink. “Do either of you have experience with shibari?”

Oz went bright red, but Zoe's smirk simply grew wider.

“W- what?” Oz managed.

“The person reciting the incantation must be tied up in a way that displayed the Seal of Liberation.” Joy explained. “It's ancient and powerful S&M magic.”

“Don't act too flustered, Ozzy. We just watched that video series on shibari, and then we tied Polly and Aaravi together.” Zoe said.

Joy raised an eyebrow at Oz as the fearling looked at the floor shamefully.

“Well, that's good, you have experience. Now let's do this!” Joy said, taking the black rope out of her bag.

“We're here to save the world!” Zoe cried, then had to stifle a giggle.

Oz and Zoe got to work, tying the witch up. The shadow man couldn't help but blush as he tried to avoid Joy's ample curves, but Zoe wasn't helping. The purple nerd kept tying the knots on Joy's waist and thighs, leaving Oz with her chest.

“S- Sorry!” Oz stammered.

“Don't feel bad.” Joy said. “You're very good with your hands.”

“You don't know the half of it.” Zoe said.

“There, I think we got it!” Oz said, securing the end of the rope.

“Yup.” Zoe said, looking at the paper. “It's a one-to-one copy. Do you need to look at the incantation?”

Joy shook her head. “I have it memorized. Just make sure no one interrupts me before I finish. Thank you in advance.”

Joy began to chant, and Oz couldn't help but stare. Before him was a curvy goddess wearing only her swimsuit and bound in artistically tied ropes. With her chanting in Latin, this felt like some kind of weird fetish video he'd stumbled on, but was totally into. Just like his thing for girls having food fights... He hoped Polly was doing okay.

The door to the changing room slammed, and Oz spun on his heel. In the doorway was Aaravi, but her eyes glowed with magic. She was now a puppet! The Slayer took a fighting stance, dagger in her hand.

“Vee, you have to fight it!” Oz cried, stepping in between her and Joy.

The Slayer said nothing, she lunged. Oz held his arms out, protecting Joy. He shut his eyes, and there was a loud snap. Zoe's tentacle had struck her in mid air. Before Oz could thank his nerdy girlfriend, the Slayer bounced off the lockers behind her, launching herself at Joy. Tentacles shot out of Oz, pushing Aaravi away. The knife barely glazed Joy's skin, but it caught on the ropes, tearing one.

“Oz! The seal!” Zoe cried.

“Got it! Get Aaravi!” Oz said.

He did what he had to, his tentacles sliding against the ropes, reforming the seal and groping Joy's body. Was that a tremor of arousal that ran through the witch's body? Oz couldn't tell, but he desperately needed to run back into the ocean.

“Got her!” Zoe said.

The elder being's tentacles wrapped around Aaravi, who wriggled in her grasp. The knife was on the floor, well away from Aaravi's hands.

Joy's chanting was growing more intense, power shimmering in the air around her. It felt sort of good, in a way Oz had trouble explaining. It did feel like she was taking some of his magic, adding it to the spell, and making it more powerful, and Oz didn't mind at all. It was like a french kiss, or when Oz twined his tentacles around Zoe's, erotic, natural and oh so right. The spell reached its crescendo, and a wave of power rippled off of Joy, filling the room and moving out to the surrounding area.

“W- What?” Aaravi said, voice groggy. “Zoe?”

“You all better, champ?” Zoe asked.

“... Your hand is on my butt.” Aaravi said.

“Oz?” It was Joy’s voice.

Oz turned to her, and remembered what they were doing. His tentacles retracted, the rope falling away.

“A-are you okay?” He asked.

“We need to check on the others.” Joy said, tossing the rope aside. “We still need to capture the Puppet Master.”

******************************

“I captured this creep for ya.” Polly said.

They exited the changing room to find the beach had changed completely. The mind controlled people were free, but many of them were dazed and confused. Hope, Dahlia and Valarie were offering their aid, getting people to lay down and offering them water. Hope was the one in charge while the others were trying to help. It looked like Valarie was finally getting rid of her back log of designer waters. Oz also spotted Miranda and her serfs helping. It looked like they had gotten the princess out when things were getting bad, just like last time.

Polly and Faith stood in front of the beach shack, between them was the Puppet Master, tied up in several long beach towels. Joy's face was a mask of disbelief.

“What happened?” She asked, looking at her fellow coven member.

“It was all Polly's doing.” Faith said. “Thank her.”

Everyone turned to Polly, who just gave a smug grin.

“You see, this jerk used a mind control spell of Aaravi. It didn't work on me, but I pretended to be mind controlled. He sends Aaravi after you guys, and once she's gone he orders me and Faith to make out.” Polly explained. The white haired witch shifting slightly at that last comment. “Then when he let his guard down, I drop kicked him and tied him up.”

“Amazing.” Was all Joy could manage.

“I'm just glad that we've stopped this guy. I've alerted the Council of Ancients and they'll be coming for him shortly.” Faith said.

“Yeah yeah, but now that you're back to normal we can talk about what's important.” Polly said.

The ghost put an arm around Oz, pulling the shadow boy closer and making him blush. Everyone was staring at him, Faith raised an eyebrow.

“This cutie is creating a harem, and we need one more member. What do you think?” Polly asked. “And I'll have you know, Oz is absolute dynamite in bed. He's able to keep up with me, Aaravi, Val, Zoe AND Dahlia. He does NOT disappoint! ...And he's got a great tongue.”

Faith was silent for a few moments, seemingly weighing out her options and considering Polly’s proposition, until she finally gave a reply.

“I'm sorry, but I have to decline.” Faith said.

Polly's eyes went wide. “What?”

She let go of Oz, and floated closer to Faith. The witch didn't push her away, instead, she gave her a small, apologetic smile.

“I like what we do together, Polly. You're one of the best partners I've ever had, but I'm just not interested in being part of a harem.” Faith said.

“But we could hang out more.” Polly said, rubbing her shoulder.

“We can still hang out.” Faith said.

Polly sighed and looked at the ground, her disappointment was rather obvious. Oz couldn’t have that

“I'm okay if you still spend the night with Faith.” Oz said. “What kind of jerk would I be if I told Polly Geist not to be thirsty?”

Polly immediately perked up and wrapped her arms around Oz, giving him a big old smooch on the cheek.

“You’re the best boo!”

******************************

Things on the beach quickly went back to normal. The Puppet Master was taken in by some other dudes in robes (Dang, this season's budget is tiny) and everyone felt better after having a rest and drinking some water.

Dahlia got the watermelon, which she broke with her thighs and everyone still ate, because why not? Valarie made a killing and managed to sell most of the junk she brought with her. There was swimming, and frolicking, and Zoe was delighted when the cyclops selling hot dogs and the Pepsi vending machine finally kissed. Polly and Faith also disappeared at some point, so who knows what they got up to. The Wolfpack was also okay, in case anyone was worried.

Hours had passed, and Oz was sitting up on a dune over the beach, watching as the sun dipped lower on the horizon. He loved being around his girls, it made being in crowded places bearable, but he needed a little bit of time to himself. He just wanted to sit back, and enjoy the sun set. He told everyone where he was going, so there would be no panicking or leaving without him.

“Care for some company?”

Oz looked up, seeing Joy, who practically glowed in the sunset. He nodded, and she settled down next to him. He also noticed a few rope marks on her arms and thighs. A blush colored his face, but maybe he could just say it's the light from the sun setting.

“It's been quite a day.” Joy said.

“Yeah. I've gotten pretty used to my life being like this.”

“Valarie told me about this harem business. You're doing this to be with Miranda?” Joy asked.

“At first... But it's become so much more than that. I love all these girls, even if they tire me out.” Oz said.

“I think your harem could use someone who's a bit more on the responsible side.” Joy said. “Someone who will keep fights from breaking out, and make sure things never get too crazy.”

“I would love that actually. But aren't you busy with saving the world and junk?”

“We've reached the end of this arc, so we have some time between now and when the next big bad shows up. Anyways, I'll have some powerful new allies.” Joy said, leaning in closer.

“I would like to get to know you more.” Oz said, also leaning in closer. “And I'd like more chances to tie you up.”

Joy was the one to make the first move, capturing his mouth in a deep kiss. Oz reciprocated, kissing back with even more gusto. He wound up on top of her, his body pressing against her soft, yielding curves. Oz knew one thing he wanted to do with her more than tie her up, he wanted to cuddle her.

“You're so soft.” Oz breathed, breaking the kiss.

“I want to feel that tongue of yours.” Joy breathed.

Oz couldn't deny her, kissing her back, and letting his tongue slide out just enough to touch the witch's lips. She opened her mouth, and he entered. Oz quickly pulled away, realizing they were on a public beach. He sat up, adjusting himself.

“S- Sorry.” He stammered.

“... That was amazing.” Joy breathed.

“So... you're in?” Oz asked.

A kiss like that was one thing, but Oz wanted to hear an actual yes. Joy gave him a smile that was warmer than the sun.

“Of course.” She answered.

Oz jumped up and gave a loud cheer, throwing his hands over his head. He'd done it! He'd finally done it. He grabbed Joy's hand helping her to her feet.

“We have to tell Miranda!” Oz said.

The two ran down the path back to the beach and where the others were. It was about time to leave, and everyone was packing. He came to a stop as Dahlia brought a finger to her lips. Oz looked down, seeing Miranda asleep on a towel. Oz let out a quiet sigh.

“Looks like I'll have to tell Miranda the good news tomorrow.” Oz whispered, still holding Joy's hand.

“You two waited this long. I’m sure you can wait another day.” Remarked joy before leaning in close. “Now I believe Polly mentioned something about you being ‘absolute dynamite in bed’? Care to prove that later tonight?”

Oz’s face immediately went red as he enthusiastically nodded, much to Zoe’s amusement.

“Ah, best beach episode EVER!”


	8. the adorable princess

The moment of truth had finally arrived, the time for Oz to confront Miranda's father.

Calling the fearling Nervous would be an understatement, it took Oz everything he had to maintain his form as his body just wanted to turn into a puddle and sink into the earth. He had to be strong, for Miranda, and it wasn't like he was alone. All the members of the harem were together with him, waiting in one of the many sitting rooms of the Castle Vanderbilt. Oz had insisted that everyone make a good impression and wear their nicest clothes. It seemed each girl had a different definition of nice.

Dahlia and Aaravi were both decked out in armor, though the demoness' was far more ornate. She'd said it was her ceremonial armor. Aaravi claimed that her chain mail dress was the most formal thing she owned, which made sense. The less said about Zoe's Princess Heart Cosplay, the better... At least Joy was taking this seriously.

Oz was looking in one of the decorative mirrors. He'd undone his tie, worried he hadn't done it up well, and was now struggling to fix it, his fingers shaking as he handled the fabric.

“Sh- shoot.” Oz whispered, close to tears.

“Let me get it for you.” Came a voice.

A delicate purple hand and a tentacle reached around him, and carefully did up his tie, before tucking it under his vest. Oz admired the well tied knot in the mirror before turning to Zoe.

“How did you-” He began to say but stopped, seeing her perfect, hand crafted cosplay. “Never mind. How are you holding up?”

“I'm doing fine, and we're going to do fine, so just relax, you shadowy dream boat.” Zoe said, patting his chest.

“Yeah, you need to relax a little.” Polly said.

The ghost slid up behind him, and began to rub his shoulders, her fingers phasing through the many layers of his suit to massage him. Oz relaxed a little. If there was anyone who knew how to give perfect massages, it was Polly.

“Hey, why don't you do me next?” Aaravi said from one of the chairs.

“You've gotten so bold, pussy-slayer.” Polly said with a smirk, causing the green eyed woman to blush.

Oz would have scolded Polly, but he was enjoying her massage too much.

“It'll be fine. I got together all the papers we need.” Joy said, sitting on the couch next to Valarie, a folder in her lap.

“I'm sorry for being a bundle of nerves.” Oz said, pulling away from Polly. “I'm just so worried I'm going to mess up. What if I say something stupid. Or accidentally call the King 'dad'? Oh god...”

“It'll be fine, I promise.” Dahlia said.

“You won all of us over. So a king should be nothing. You don't even have to make out with him.” Val said.

“You know that's one of Oz's strong points, right?” Polly said, floating over to the couch.

“I guess you're right. Maybe you should?” Val said.

Oz sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Before he could say anything else, a serf opened the door. It looked like it was time. Oz remembered to brush his teeth, right? And change his underwear? His body wobbled, threatening to turn into a pile of goop. His mind strained, struggling to remember his form, but then he remembered Miranda.

It was a small memory, just a time they took a walk by the beach. They bought ice pops, and Oz's had started to melt. He realized that in order to eat the treat, he would have to expose his mouth, something he hardly did in public. He was so worried about how she would react that his fingers started to get sticky from the melting treat. Finally, he opened his mouth when he thought Miranda wasn't looking. He took the whole ice pop into his mouth, only to hear Miranda's voice.

“Cute!”

That word meant the world to him, allowing him to relax, and truly enjoy his date. It was also when his crush on Miranda blossomed into full blown love. Needless to say, they made out behind a tree soon afterwards.

A new wave of confidence filled the shadowman as he walked down the castle hallways after the serf. He had to be strong for Miranda, and for all the girls.

The serf stopped before a door the size of Oz's living room, which was opened by several guards. The throne room was revealed in a cacophony of trumpets and other instruments. The throne was on the opposite wall, and Oz could just barely see it from the doorway.

“You may enter.” The king boomed.

Damn, the guy knew how to make his voice carry. Oz came in first, followed by a procession of women. The room was huge, with pools of water along the wall, and even small flower gardens, but Oz just had to follow the carpet. Elegant pillars also lined the path, so the ceiling must be very sound.

Oz stopped just where the carpet ended, right before the steps leading up to the throne. King Vanderbilt was an intimidating man, his dark hair and beard were flecked with gray, but his blue eyes held a cold strength to them. The fearling also noticed Miranda who stood nearby the throne, surrounded by her serfs. Their gazes locked for a moment, and he could tell she was also nervous. Oz bowed, and went to one knee.

“King Vanderbilt, I have come to seek your b- blessing.” Oz said.

“You wish to court my daughter?” The kind said. “And for what reason should I allow this? Have you slayed a dragon?”

“I have!” Aaravi shouted, only for Dahlia to elbow her.

“I have not, sir, but I have poured through Mer-person laws, and I have found one of interest.” Oz said.

Joy held out the piece of paper, which a serf took and handed to the king. Miranda's father read it intently, taking in every word as he stroked his beard.

“The harem clause... This Kingdom has many laws which I am unaware of.” The king said.

A serf, one who was stooped over with age came to his side, and whispered into his ear. The king nodded.

“Ah yes.” The king said. “This was created during the reign of Queen Marina. She created many strange laws. However...”

Oz's heart tightened in his chest as if someone had reached in and squeezed it. He knew it. There was something he'd overlooked or forgotten. What was it? What would cost him Miranda?!

“It says that two members of this harem must be royalty.” The kind continued. “I recognize Lady Aquino, so who is the other?”

Various curses rang out inside Oz's brain. That was it! That was what he'd forgotten! He was going to ask someone about it, but it completely slipped his mind, which was focused on the fact that he was allowed to make out with a bunch of girls! It was over! He was finished! He was-

“That would be me.” A voice broke through Oz's panic.

Who was this? A secret character? A girl who had been watching from the sidelines only to finally make her presence known? A super cool OC who's going to make out with Oz? No! It was Valerie Oberlin!

The cat girl stood up, holding another slip of paper. She wore a black dress with white leggings, but her taste in accessories made this an undeniably punk look. Valarie hardly looked like royalty. The serf looked at her paper, pouring over every square inch of it, then nodded.

“This is an official documentation of nobility.” The serf said.

Oz stared at Valerie, who just gave him a smug wink. He would have to ask her about this later. Or maybe not. Who knows. He was so thankful he could kiss her! And he would, after they were done with this.

“Miranda.” The king said, turning to his daughter.

“Yes?” Miranda said, going to her father's side.

“Are you sure to want this?”” The king asked.

The king had lowered his head. For a moment, King Vanderbilt didn't look intimidating or cold. He looked old and tired, and possibly worried? Yes, Oz could sense the worry on him. This was his daughter's future he was talking about, and he wanted to make sure she was safe and happy.

Miranda nodded. “Of course! I love Oz, and... All of the harem!”

“We love you too, babe!” Polly called back.

The other's echoed their agreement. Oz blushed a little. Was this even his harem anymore, or was he just a part of Miranda's harem? ...He actually liked the sound of that. No, this wasn't the time to think about that. It was time to prove himself as a future son-in-law!

“Sir, I understand that you love your daughter and want the best for her.” Oz said, standing up and stepping closer. “I do too, but in a different way of course.”

The Kind raised his head. He studied Oz for a long moment. Oz looked down, rubbing his shoulder.

“I know that you may question it, and I'm sure every single one of Miri's suitors have said this, but I don't care if Miranda is a princess, or has more wealth than I could ever imagine. She's beautiful too, but that's not why I love her.” Oz said, his voice gaining strength as he spoke. “I would do anything for her. Miranda has helped me become a better person. She's made her work harder and be braver than I ever had in my life.”

“It's true, daddy.” Miranda said. “Ozwald has worked so hard. I almost couldn't believe that he was working three jobs just to buy me that set of salad tongs. And I do feel like he's been good for me. Even Bellanda says so.”

“And sir, I promise that I will care for Miranda, and give her all the love and affection she could ever ask for. I swear on my life.” Oz said.

“Please daddy?” Miranda said, touching her father's arm.

King Vanderbilt placed his hand on Miranda's. “I could never deny you anything, even when you were a baby. Though a suitor is a bit different from a pony. ”

“So you will allow Oz to court me once more?” Miranda asked, those big blue eyes shimmering.

“I see no reason not to.” The king said.

Miranda jumped up. “Thank you so much daddy!”

She threw her arms around her father, who gently patted her shoulder. The king gazed lovingly at his daughter before looking to Oz and the ladies behind him.

“I also knew that one suitor would never be enough for you. I hope you will all take good care of my daughter.” The king said.

“I promise, your majesty!” Oz said, giving him a nod, his brows furrowed in determination.

The king got to his feet, and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Treat Miranda well. She's one of my greatest treasures.” Kind Vanderbilt said.

“Oz!” Miranda cried, leaping into his arms.

“Whoo! It's finally official!” Polly cheered as the two hugged.

“I'm going to cry!” Dahlia shouted.

“This was a group effort, you two.” Zoe said, sliding up to the hugging couple.

The elder being joined in on her hug, wrapping her tentacle around Oz's back and her hand on Miri's shoulder. Polly was the next to join in, coming in from the other size, followed by Val, then Aaravi, Joy and then Dahlia managed to grab a hold of everyone.

“D- Dahlia!” Oz choked from the middle of the pile.

“Oops!” Dahlia said.

She stepped back, letting everyone go. After being squeezed her vice-like grip, everyone, save for Zoe, wobbled, struggling to stand on their own feet.

“I think we should celebrate!” Polly said.

“Yes.” Joy interrupted. “With vegan milkshakes!”

“Ah yes, show Miranda the places where commoners go.” The King said, giving them a smile. “But keep her safe.”

“Of course.” Oz said.

“I will never let anyone harm Miranda!” Dahlia said, placing a hand on the princess.

“Me neither!” Aaravi added.

With that, the group was finally able to leave, and they didn't even have to fill out any forms. Oz had been paranoid that there would be a test, or paper work, or something! The happy poly group filed out of the throne room, going down the hallway towards the castle's entrance.

“Excuse me. But can I have a moment to talk with Oz?” Miranda asked.

No one had any objections. Miranda opened a door and led Oz inside. The fearling took in the room. It seemed very normal. Just a sitting room, like the one they were in before the big confrontation.

“What's u-” Before Oz could ask his girlfriend what was wrong, she pounced.

The princess pressed him against the antique wallpaper, her lips eagerly smothering the space where his mouth normally was. They were back together again, he might as well let loose. Oz's mouth opened, capturing Miranda's as he deepened the kiss. God, he'd missed this. His hands moved down her thighs, doing to her delicate bottom as he pulled her closer. His tongue slid into her mouth, eagerly tracing along hers. He'd forgotten how good she tastes. Would the rest of his harem mind if they had a quicky in here? They'd probably understand...

“Ahem!”

Oz pulled away so had he stumbled back, his tongue still lolling out of his mouth. To his horror, he saw Miranda's older sister Bellanda standing in the doorway, one hand on her hip, while the other was on her cleaver.

“I have been reunited with the love of my life, dear sister.” Miranda said, pulling Oz back up to his feet.

“I can see that.” Bellanda said.

Oz was feeling bold, and he knew the reason Bellanda was here, or at least, he had a pretty good guess. She was scary, but she was nowhere near as scary and Vera.

“You want to let me know that you've got your eye on me, and if I do anything to Miranda you will come down on me like a meteor and smite me out of existence, right?” Oz said.

Bellanda raised an eyebrow. Oz placed a hand on Miranda's shoulder. Was he making a mistake, or making a point that he loved Miranda more than he feared her family? He didn't know.

“I mean, I'm glad you like my sister and know of our family's power, but I was actually here to congratulate Miri.” Bellanda said.

“Really?” Oz said.

“You are?” Miranda said.

“Yeah. You've become a lot more proactive. Sure you had help, but you still searched for a solution and worked towards it.” Bellanda said. “You made lots of allies, and became a lot stronger.”

Miranda's eyes shimmered. Was it just their natural kawaii state, or was she holding back tears? It was hard to tell. Miranda daintily dabbed at her eyes before giving her sister a smile.

“Thank you, Bellanda. I know you've wanted me to be more self sufficient. I'm glad I could gain your approval.” Miranda said.

“Don't get me wrong, serfs have their uses.” Her older sister said.

“Of course! But I had come to realize that there are more important and valuable things in this world.” Miranda said, placing a hand on Oz's chest.

“Well, I'll say what I said to the rest of your little group; welcome to the family.” Bellanda said, turning to leave.

“Thanks.” Oz said, giving her a small wave.

The fish woman stopped, looking over her shoulder. “I'm glad you know that I'll kill you if you hurt my sister in anyways. It means I won't have to remind you.”

Bellanda left the room, followed by Oz and Miranda once the fearlings heart stopped pounding. The girls were still in the hall, Polly, Val and Joy were both on their phones, while Dahlia and Zoe found a small couch to sit on, and Aaravi was looking over a vase.

“Hey!” Oz whispered, even though Miranda's sister was out of ear shot. “Why did none of you warn us about Bellanda?”

“I'm not messing with someone with a big cleaver.” Val said.

“Eh, I got distracted.” Polly said, still looking at her phone.

Oz ran a hand through his hair. Now that everything was settled, he had someone he wanted to ask them.

“Hey. I know we've been through a lot, and prom is coming up, do you think...?” Oz began, faltering as every woman turned their attention to him.

“You want to go to prom with us?” Joy asked, vocalizing his thoughts.

“All of us?” Aaravi said.

“I mean, I'm sure it's okay. I don't think there's any rules saying how many prom dates you can have.” Oz said.

“Hell yeah! It sounds like a great time!” Polly said, no doubt thinking of ways to spike the punch.

“I think it would be a good way to tell the school about our arrangement.” Miranda said, touching Oz's hand.

“Exactly! Prom is an official celebration!” Dahlia's voice reverberated off the high ceilings. “What could be a better place to let everyone know we have created a romantic alliance!”

“I've been looking at dresses, and I found a really cute one.” Zoe said, brimming with excitement.

“Sounds like it could be a little crazy.” Aaravi said. “So I'm in! ...I've just always wanted to be the one to say that.”

Oz looked from girl to girl, until his gaze settled on Miranda and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. Someone came up and took his free hand. He looked up, seeing Polly, her hand clasped in his. Next was Dahlia, who took Miranda's other hand, then Joy took hers. Pouting, Aaravi took Polly's open hand, followed by Zoe taking hers. Val slid her phone back in her pocket, taking Zoe's tentacle and Joy's hand, completing the circle.

“Looks like it's a date.” Val said.

The other girls chorused in agreement. This was happening. They were together, and happy, and ready to take on the world. Oz realized this was quite possibly the happiest he had ever been in his long existence.

******************************

The next few days passed uneventfully. The harem was busy just getting ready for prom, with the occasional get together and dates. Miranda did spend the night a few times, making up for lost time. Even if Oz was sleeping with the other girls, including a spectral nyphomaniac and an insatiable amazon, there was nothing like his princess. He made sure to tell her that as he held her, letting her know how special she was and how thankful he was for her.

Oz would have liked to have told his friends the good news, but they were all MIA. Oz did think about telling his housemates, but they all seemed busy. That and he knew they would be at the prom. It did make Oz feel a little sad, but he had to think of it as the next part of his life, and of them starting a new part of theirs.

******************************

Prom night came and it was the first time Oz was alone for more than an hour. It was agreed upon that they would all get ready on their own before going to prom together. So now Oz was in his empty house, looking at himself in the mirror, making sure his yellow tux looked okay. Damn, he should have asked Zoe to stay with him and help do up his tie again. A fanfare filled the air, nearly making the shadow man fall over. That was his ride.

He dashed outside, seeing one of Miranda's carriages. A serf helped him inside, closing the door behind him.

“H-” Oz could barely get a single word out.

The girls were all there, all done up in their prom finery. From Dahlia's surprisingly feminine but still very powerful outfit to Valarie's glossy fur, they all looked stunning. The stunned fearling was pulled into one of the seats, his head still spinning.

“Maybe we shouldn't have picked him up last. He's being all weird.” Aaravi said, arms cross.

“Wow!” Oz gasped. “Your dress!”

Aaravi blushed. “Would you calm down, it's just some crappy armor I had laying around.”

“Hey boo, drink this.” Polly shoved a glass into his hand.

Oz drank it without thinking, the bubbles and alcohol leaving a burning sensation in his mouth and down this throat. It did help a little, he wasn't feeling completely overwhelmed anymore. Oz emptied the glass and rested it on his lap, leaning back in his chair. Miranda was one one side of him, she'd probably been the one to pull him in, and Joy was on the other. Oz quickly looked away when he realized he'd been looking down her dress.

“So, we're gonna get our photo taken first?” Valarie asked.

“I think so. The line is always super long.” Polly said. “And since we have so many people, someone will have to save our spot.”

“Aw man, I don't want to spend the whole prom waiting in line.” Zoe said.

“I can wait in line.” Oz said.

“I'll join you. It beats trying to mingle with a bunch of… Stranger monsters.” Aaravi said.

“Don't tell me you're still afraid of monsters.” Val said, wrapping an arm around Aaravi's shoulder.

“Well... I like you guys, and you don't even register as a monster to me, V.” Aaravi said. “I still don't like being alone with a bunch of strangers.”

“You know we won't let anything happen to you.” Oz said.

“That's right! You're a part of our squad, and we protect each other!” Dahlia said.

“Hey! Looks like we're here! Time to make our big entrance!” Zoe cried.

Everyone seemed to freeze the moment the carriage stopped, and eight monsters made their way off. Oz was the middle of the group, Miranda on one arm, and Joy on the other. Normally, he kept his tentacles to himself, hiding them from everyone, but this was a big night. Five tendrils slid out from under his coat, giving Val, Dahlia, Aaravi, Zoe and Polly something to hold onto.

Everyone was talking, whispering to each other while they stared at this strange 'couple' For once in his life, Oz was the center of attention, and he was actually enjoying it a little. There was a sudden noise, loud and shrill, filling the night air like a siren before faltering. Oz nearly lost his footing, but Zoe just patted his shoulder, urging him forward.

“What's that?” Oz asked.

“It's just Leonard. Ignore him.” Zoe said, guiding Oz away from the screaming kappa.

“He's probably jealous of your harem.” Polly said.

“Why is he here anyways?” Joy asked, nose upturned.

They went inside, the initial shock of their arrival fading away, and becoming just another little quirk of life at Spooky High. Oz, Aaravi, Miranda and Dahlia got in line, while the other girls flitted off. Polly did say something about getting them drinks, and Oz caught sight of a flask hidden in her cleavage. Oz sighed, then turned to the line.

“Brian?” Oz gasped.

The trio in front of him turned, revealing it to be Brian, Vera and Amira.

“Hey Oz.” The zombie said.

“Good evening.” Vera said quietly, giving Miranda a small nod.

“Damn, you actually did it.” Amira said. “Congrats, on getting Miri back.”

“Oswald worked very hard.” Miranda said, leaning against him.

“Yeah!” Dahlia said, thumping him on the back, and nearly knocking the fearling over.

“Well, look at you guys, both going out with Vera.” Oz said, after the dizziness passed. “That's pretty cool.”

“I was a little hesitant at first.” Vera said.

“I was actually the one to suggest it. Vera got super goo-goo eyed after her corpse disposal trip with Brian. I thought it'd be a good idea to let her know this could be an open relationship, and she really wanted to go to that new fancy restaurant, which is more Brian's thing then mine.” Amira explained.

“So you two aren't a thing?” Oz asked, pointing from Amira to Brian.

They both laughed, Amira tossing her head back and Brian giving a small chuckle. In the back, Vera rolled her eyes.

“Hell no.” Amira said.

“It's more of a sharing situation.” Brian said.

“I'm glad we don't have to do that.” Miranda said, pulling Aaravi into a hug, causing the little Slayer to blush.

“Well, I missed you guys, I'm glad you're doing okay.” Oz said.

“Yeah, sorry we didn't come home.” Brian said.

“Vera had some out of town work.” Amira said.

“As much as I'd love to keep exchanging pleasantries, it's our turn.” Vera said. “But Oz, I'm glad it worked out for you.”

“Thanks?” Oz managed as Vera walked off with his two friends. “Wait, our turn is next! Where is everyone?”

Thankfully all the girls returned, many of them holding drinks. They posed together, all squeezing in, with Oz and Miranda in the middle. It felt good, being surrounded by so much love. Oz was trying harder to live in the moment, but he couldn't help but think about this photo, and what he'd do with it. Maybe have it framed in their living room? Man, someday they might all be living together. Now there was a thought. 

After the photo was taken, the eight moved out of the way. There was some casual talk about what they would do next. Over the talk of who would dance with who and what sort of treats they'd eat at the snack table, another voice rang out.

“Great job boys! We'll all get a copy afterwards, okay.” It was Oz's third friend.

The fearling turned back to the camera, seeing Vicky and a crowd of men leaving the photo area. Damien, Cal, Liam, Scott and Blobert were all there, with Vicky in the center, joy and sparks flying off of her. The moment their eyes met, Vicky waved and dashed over to him.

“Oz! It feels like it's been years!” The blue girl gushed.

“Y- Yeah. You got a harem too?”

Vicky giggled. “Don't sound so surprised, I got the idea from you.”

“Really?” Oz asked.

“Yeah.” Vicky leaned in closer. “Aaravi doesn't have any hard feeling about... Me dating Damien and Liam right?”

Oz looked up at Aaravi, was currently being hugged from behind by Zoe, while talking to Valarie. The Slayer had a small smile on her face, and her hand was nowhere near her dagger. ...Yeah, they tried to take it away, but that just didn't happen.

“I think you're fine.” Oz said.

“Thank goodness.” Vicky said.

“So, you've got five boyfriends now, no wonder you were gone so often.” Oz said.

“Five?” Vicky looked around at her group, only to see that Damien and Dahlia were getting a little too close.

After the potential demon showdown was prevented, the two went back to their groups and enjoyed the night. Oz had never danced so much in his life, but it was worth it, getting to spend time with all seven of his girls. Of course, the punch was spiked, and Oz didn't mind at all. The prom passed by in a flash of colors, sounds and sensations. Things were going well, so he was a little surprised when Miranda asked to leave early.

“Is everything okay, Miri?” Oz asked, leading her to the side of the room.

“I'm fine, I just have something else planned.” Miranda said.

“Like an after party?” Polly asked, floating behind them.

“Yes.” Miranda said with a small, adorable smile.

The eight filed into the Vanderbilt carriage, which took off. They went past several clubs, which were also super busy, but the carriage didn't stop. It was only when they went outside the Monsteropolis city limits did someone speak up.

“So, where are we going?” Joy asked.

“... This isn't going to turn into a horror story?” Zoe asked, with a dash of worry swirled with excitement.

“My family owns a villa out in the countryside.” Miranda said.

“Ohh, fancy.” Valarie said, looking up from her phone.

“Since the only people there are our family serfs, this would be the perfect place to celebrate our new relationship.” The princess said, thirst in her voice.

The mood in the carriage shifted almost immediately as everyone realized what Miranda's intentions were. Everyone looked away from each other, some people playing with their hands, or looking at their phones.

“Are we almost there?” Polly asked.

“It will only be about five more minutes.” Miranda said.

They couldn't wait. The 'celebration' started before the carriage even rolled down the driveway, but it certainly didn't end there.

We see the fence around the Vanderbilt summer villa. It's elegant and immaculate, with some light decorative shrubbery and the occasional tree just out of reach of the fence. From behind one of these trees steps the Narrator.

“And with that, dear reader, our story comes to an end.” The Narrator said.

“There you are!” Vicky cried.

The patchwork girl came and grabbed the Narrator's wrist.

“Sorry dear. I just had to wrap up this story, now I'm free for the rest of the night.” The Narrator said, wrapping his arm around Vicky's shoulder.

“Good, cause it's time for the orgy!” Vicky exclaimed in a sing-song voice.

******************************

** One wild night of sex and debauchery later **

Oz blinked as the room came back into focus, the sunlight beating down on his face bringing out of his slumber. His entire body was sore and he was covered in sweat (he wasn’t entirely sure how much of it was his own) from last night’s activities, he couldn’t even feel his legs at the moment.

Normally he’d say it passed by in a blur but it didn’t, in fact he remembered every single moment of that wonderful night from start to finish. They did EVERYTHING, every position, every fetish that they shared, many of which Oz didn’t even know existed until now. The pleasure they experienced was the stuff of legend and Oz would hold on to those wonderful memories for the rest of his life.

The rest of the girls were strewn about the room, Miranda cuddled up against his left and Valerie purring in her sleep against his right as she snuggled her furry cheek against his own. Zoe and Aaravi were passed out next to the bed, the two of them were in a rather comical position with the eldritch horror lying face down in the hunter’s crotch. Dahlia was sitting upright against the back wall with Joy in her arms like a stuffed animal, both still decked out in their BDSM gear. (Oz never knew that Dahlia actually enjoyed being a sub now and then). The only one he couldn’t find was Polly…

A loud snoring came from above him causing the fearling to look up and see his ghostly girlfriend hanging upside down from the chandelier in a sexy tax attorney’s outfit, a content smile on her face as she slept the day away.

It truly was a magical night, and Oz wasn’t just saying that because Joy cast those endurance spells to keep things going all night.

“Good morning my love.” Miranda breathed against his neck. 

“Good morning Miranda, how are you feeling?” Oz whispered back, turning slightly to face his princess and harem leader.

“After last night, I-” Miranda was interrupted by the sound of an orchestral version of the my little pony theme coming from her cell phone, which she promptly answered.

“Hello? Oh hi Laudanda! Oh nothing, just spending some time with my prince….wait what do you mean there was an additional sub-clause that we missed...we have to do what?!” Miranda exclaimed, thankfully not waking up the rest of the room.

Oz was sitting up now, looking rather worried.

“Yes I love him! How could you even say that?! It's just that this seems so soon….no way around it? Alright...yes I understand...I’ll tell them...goodbye.”

With that Miranda promptly hung up the phone and seemed almost nervous.

“Miranda? Is everything okay? What did your sister want?” Asked Oz, putting a comforting hand on his princess’ shoulder.

The merprincess nervously twisted the blanket in her hands before turning to face her lover. “Well...it turns out there was an additional requirement for the harem clause that we missed…”

“Oh?”

“Yes, it seems as though in order for us to maintain our relationship. You’ll have to...marry all of us, as soon as possible.” Said Miranda. “And by as soon as possible, I mean that my family has already begun to make the wedding preparations…”

Oz just stared at Miranda for a moment, before taking in a deep breath. “Alright. It’s not the most ideal situation, but if it means I get to be with you all for the rest of my life. I’ll go through with it.”

Miranda smiled and planted a gentle kiss onto Oz’s lips. “I’m glad you’re taking this so well my love.”

“Yeah but um…” Oz looked around at the rest of the passed out girls. “How exactly are we going to break this to the rest of them?”

“Oh I’m sure they’ll understand. Let’s worry about that later, right now your princess demands cuddles!”

Oz was happy to oblige, hugging Miranda’s petite form against his own. He had no doubts that the next few weeks of his life were going to be the most chaotic of his entire life, but with his harem together he knew that they could all face it head on.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Oz does a favour](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29011044) by [Blank_logic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blank_logic/pseuds/Blank_logic)




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